Spirit of a Dove

Songs for Change

2011-01-21T05:27:00.000-08:00

I woke up with the song One Love in my head sung by Bob Marley. After searching for the song on the internet, I found an inspiring version produced by Playing for Change, a Heifer project like organization that uses donations to employ craftspeople all over the world to locally make instruments for local musicians. They have other programs, too, if you want to check them out. I also really liked their song Don't Worry; in the video one man plays the triangle on the edge of the sea while balancing a bunch of donuts on his head. And, of course, they have done Imagine. In each video they film people singing and playing in their local area; I'm pretty sure there is a buddhist monk in this one and Lennon makes an appearance.

Looking Back To Look Forward

2010-12-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

NYR time is approaching, New Years Resolution time. What to pick, what to pick, what to pick?  Usually we have several resolutions going at once and one is always to increase our level of green living. In order to look forward, we need to look back, surveying the triumphs and the pitfalls of Green Living 2009 & 2010. Looking back allows you to enjoy what you have accomplished and to savor it as another way of making yourself at home in your world. It also helps you to see where you can improve so that you can expand your sense of stability in the creation of a world you can believe in.

We actually do this check in periodically throughout the year. The most useful book I have come across for this purpose is Ecoholic, which you can peruse on google books. It goes beyond the information you would happen across in a magazine. It weighs in on companies and homemaking practies across the board, not being afraid to critique even those companies most greenbies mistakenly treasure, such as Tom's of Maine toothpaste. It not only tells you what products you could buy if you were so inclined, but how you can make what you need yourself. It does this across the board, from making your own toothpaste, to green investing, to camping equipment. The wealth of information is overwhelming. Marcus and I sat down with the book and jotted down notes a chapter at a time.   Some of the ideas for green living came from the book and some of the ideas cropped up because we had been thinking about green living.

Now the trick will be making the experiments of 2010 mainstays of behavior in 2011, and, maximizing the value of green 2010 purchases in 2011.

One of our goals this past year has been decreasing our use of energy and we have made several investments to this end which are now paying off rather nicely. Our energy bill is a third of what it was last year, reflecting our investments and commitments to this goal.

1. We returned our landlord's very old refridgerator to him, replacing it with a fridge the size of a small kitchen cabinet. This motivated us to decrease the amount of Ben and Jerry's in our freezer and to increase the amount of fresh produce on our shelves. This purchase allowed us to put an additional counter space in our tiny kitchen and encouraged us to rethink what is necessary. What we threw out ended up being two-month old jars of stuff just taking up space and unhealthy food that had no business being in our fridge in the first place. All the essentials are still there: soy milk, cheese, blue bunnies, etc. It was a great way of nudging ourselves toward healthier eating.  Some say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, but, if the horse is thirsty enough he won't keep waiting around for soda. The only down side is when people come over for an extended stay and bring food with them. Then we have to get creative. However, Marc's parents visited us for 5 days and we made it work perfectly because we organized ahead of time and they stored their beer on the back porch. Usually, our floor is very cold because the basement occupant doesn't stay at his apartment very often (he is a NY State senator).

NYR 2011: Plan meals that will use the dry ingredients and fresh ingredients that we have rather than looking in the fridge and wondering what on earth we are going to eat. Usually the answer ends up being pasta or a roasted acorn squash. Not unhealthy, but a variety would be nice. In fact, we have started planning on roasting just one big thing that takes little to no prep and little to no dishes to cook.  A plate of roasted vegetables, we have found, are an awesome dinner. Roasty, slightly toasty, salty....

NYR 2011: Continue to explore the dry bulk items at the Co-Op. Last year, we figured out how to make 5 minute mushroom broth, buckwheat crepes, and sourdough bread.  What new favorites will this year bring?

NYR 2011: Keep up the good work of eating plates of vegetables for dinner. This past year I bought food I would never have considered eating before, like brussel sprouts. I tried to be more curious, buy things I don't know how to cook, knowing that it probably wouldn't just get tossed out.  After you look in the fridge long enough, you realize it is either walking 2 - 3 miles to the store, or figuring out a way to eat brussels sprouts. I have to say, I don't love brussel sprouts, but I know how to eat them now, and Marcus actually likes them.

NYR 2011: Also, put an end to my blue bunny addiction. It is better than my Ben and Jerry's addiction, but I think the time has come...

2. We purchased a high efficiency washing machine that also functions as a dryer. This saved us money because we no longer needed to go to the laundry matt and it saved the earth because our machine is high efficiency.

NYR 2011: Use mostly cold water to wash clothes and hang half the loads to dry--even in winter.

3. We purchased a king size down comforter. This is a hard one because we had to deliberate about whether synthetic materials or possible cruelty to animals was worse; we didn't have an answer. We picked a comforter that purported to contain European goosedown and hoped that the tag translated into less cruelty than American chicken farms usually exercise. Now we can keep our heat very low or off at night and help save the polar bears.

NYR 2011: Keep the heat off this winter at least 5 nights out of the week, unless sick.

4. We bought two bicylces that we could use for transportation instead of the bus. We still do not own a car and will not need one for awhile, since we can both walk to work. However, there are times when we do not want to walk the three miles round trip to the Co-Op; it would be great to use the bike for this purpose instead of the bus. Also, bike rides can give us a variety in our exercise routine.

NYR 2011: Buy an air pump for our bike tires and, for Marc, learn how to ride a bike.

5. We delved deeper into making our own lotions, soaps, and toothpaste. We would buy the supplies organic and in bulk, which cut down the cost. They work just as well or better than the stuff you can buy in the store--they are definitely cheaper than buying the organic variety at the grocery store and fresher.

NYR 2011: Make this a monthly ritual rather than an weird science experiment you do once a year.

6. Use hankies.

NYR 2011: Keep using hankies but this time use them more frequently. There were a couple months where I used hankies all the time, then I got lazy. Put hankies in multiple rooms to avoid the lazies.

7. Got recycling bins.

NYR 2011: Make sure to recycle every possible thing that can be recycled.

8. Heat only one room when home with an energy efficient space heater, unless we have guests.

NYR 2011: Just keep it up. Its a pain, but it really works. Keep using the homemade door pillows to keep out the drafts, keep the curtains pulled shut at night, keep the windows insulated with plastic (inattractive but very practical) and only use the space heater unless guests are in the apartment.

NYR 2011: Unplug electrical outlets more frequently and use the power strips buttons.

As you can see, most of what we need to do now is make a deeper commitment to the choices we made in 2009 & 2010. I feel that we tipped the scales (monetarily and energily) in our favor with our purchases these past two years. Now, we need to do the more inconvenient things to make that commitment go deeper in 2011. All the little things add up. Every time I blow my nose on toilet paper, I remember my post a little while ago about the fate of Candaian virgin forrest, but I need to use that rememberance as motivation to reach for the hankies instead. Reaching for the raw veggies has become easier, but there are some bulk items that we have bought which have been there for a year. I should cook my way through these, trying out new recipes. Also, just remembering to bend over and unplug. I know I can do it once it becomes a habit, but I have to put in the effort to make that happen.

Where do you want your effort to go in 2011?

You've Been Cookied!

2010-11-26T08:17:00.000-08:00

You may have been cookied. During the holiday season, if you have invited us to your home, you have received a cookie package.

Unfortunately, this year we are not making the rounds, so we are going to virtually cookie package you! Below are recipes and video clips about making and eating cookies! Some you definitely won't want to miss, like this one:

Martha Stewart Vs. Cookie Monster Cookie Monster attends the Martha Stewart show but doesn't play by the rules!

NPR Interview of Cookie Monster Cookie Monster is asked what his favorite curse word is and what word he would like to hear God say if he were to ever be at the Pearly Gates.

Famous Guy Dancing in Gingerbread Outfit on Ellen Ellen had a guy that most people know dress up for 12 days as a Gingerbread man. In this clip he is revealed and ends up dancing which made me laugh pretty hard.

Lessons in Om Nom Nom Nom-ing Cookie Monster is interviewed about his way of eating cookies.

Recipes
Despite the irreverential clips above, I take my cookies pretty seriously. Every year Marcus and I have a cookie baking marathon. The presentation is just as important to me as the cookies. Cookies in a zip lock bag just aren't the same as cookies nestled in their own cup cake holder within a box decorated with gilded paper. Each box is wrapped in a ribbon and each cup cake holder has a label: Russian Teacakes, Spearmint Bark, Candied Lemon Peel, Bourbon Cherry Oatmeal Squares, Lime Cookies, Candied Pistachios with Tangerine, Vanilla Walnut Praline, Pfeffernussen, Candied Orange Peel, Gingerbread Bears, Candied Grapefruit Peel, Molasses Cookies, Butterbourbon Popcorn.

In years past we have also done rosewater sugar cookies dipped in dark chocolate, lavendar cookies sandwich cookies with blueberry filling, double chocolate hazelnuts cookies, cranberry and white chocolate oatmeal cookies, fig bars, various types of kolaczkis, and more. I like to experiment and have a number of complimentary flavors in each one package.

This holiday season will be work laden for us so we won't have a chance to make the rounds. I will be spending this Thanksgiving and Christmas with my clients, people who have a dual diagnosis of a mental illness and a mental disability. Thanksgiving was pleasant and at somepoint during dinner I felt like I was inhabiting a Christmas television special. I am looking forward to Christmas!

Instead of sending out cookie packages we have decided to send out holiday cards that include a link to this site.

Russian Teacakes
We use the recipe in the William and Sonoma book called Baking but couldn't find this recipe online to link. However, the Food Network's Emeril Legasse has a 5 star recipe you could try.

Spearmint Bark
I decided to include this last year to fulfill the chocolate requirement (every cookie box needs a bit of chocolate) and the candy cane requirement. It is very easy to make, takes very little time, and fills up a box quite nicely.

Candied Citrus Peel
The key to making a dry peel instead of wet sticky peel is to let it dry on a baking rack for awhile after coated in sugar. These are one of my favorite treats and a little goes a long way! You can also use them in baked goods finely chopped up or dip them in chocolate. I one up Martha Stewart's recipe (see the link) by boiling my peels in separate sugar waters so that their flavors do not mingle. If you don't do this, it just tastes like "citrus." Also, this is one recipe you cannot substitute less refined sugar for white; I've tried it and it didn't turn out well. And finally, I leave my peel overnight to dry.

Bourbon Cherry Oatmeal Squares
Basically, alter your favorite oatmeal square recipe by substituting chunky cherry preserve with some bourbon (Bulleit is best) for the filling. Or, see my post for fig bars and substitute this filling for the one listed.

Lime Cookies
There are several ways to make this cookie. You can follow the recipe link for one similar to the one we used last year. Or, you could take your favorite sugar cookie recipe and add fresh lime zest to it for a milder cookie. If you really want something that packs a punch, make them into sandwich cookies with some lime or lemon curd in the middle.

Candied Nuts
Candied Pistachios with Tangerine
This recipe I made up myself: whipped egg white, tangerine zest, orange juice, sugar, and salt coats the pistachios which are then dried on 200 degrees in the oven until coating is slightly brown. You can also do pecans with maple syrup, butter, bourbon, and salt. These are easy once you get the hang of them, but they do have some pitfalls. Make sure not to over-dry them or the nuts will taste like cardboard. Also, make sure to coat them evenly but don't include the excess coating on the drying pan. Finally, it is a good idea to use parchment paper on the baking sheet. If you do not feel like winging it, above is another candied nut recipe. This recipe fries the nuts and doesn't require baking.

Pfeffernussen
Sadly, this recipe is not as good as the one in a Martha Stewart magazine from 10 years ago, which we still have, but it is passable. The older version uses honey instead of molasses, which gives it a "toothsome" texture. You may want to search the web for recipe with honey in it instead.

Caramel Corn
Butterbourbon Popcorn
This is another recipe that is easy but takes a little getting used to. Pop some popcorn. Melt some brown sugar in butter and bourbon. Add a little salt to taste. When bubbling, turn off. Add popcorn and mix. Dry in oven o 200 degrees on parchment paper. Make sure you do not have so much butter in it that the popcorn gets wet instead of coated. (This takes a little experiment and some taste testing--but that is the fun of cooking, right?) The link will send you to a caramel corn recipe that uses molasses and honey; I haven't tried it but it gives you instructions on how to make caramel corn without corn syrup.

Gingerbread Bears
This recipe makes the most tasty gingerbread! You can make cookies or houses out of it. Last year we had a party with my nephews and my friend's children; we made gingerbread houses and wreathes of gingerbears. As one little guest put it "This is the best party ever!" (This is the reason to have parties for 4 year olds.)

About this Picture

I took this picture at PMA of Frank Benson's The Artists Daughters painted in 1906.

Stitch Off for Pakistani Flood Victims

2010-11-11T05:55:00.000-08:00

Assalamu Alaikum Everyone!!!!!!

Peace be upon you / peace and health!!!!!!

Get your needles moving!!!!

For all of those who wanted to

knit warmth and love around the world,

now is your chance!!!!

We are posing a challenge

to all those who know how to use a needle!

Click on "read more" learn how to donate knits

to children in Pakistan who have suffered from the flood.

The below post has been created by my sister Mary.

Why knit?

To provide warmth and love to children in Pakistan who have suffered from the flood. Although relief has slowly been filtering in to Pakistan to aide flood victims, there is still a lot that needs to be done before Pakistan’s needs are met. Pakistan still has a long way to go. Although some people have been addressing this issue, many have not been, especially in the United States. As a member of the Muslim Student Association and someone deeply interested in advocacy and outreach -- Not only I, but also the Catholic Church that I attend had begun to wonder why this issue was not being addressed here. We did not hear a lot about it, and we were surprised to find that our church was not doing an envelope collection like we do for every other country that suffers from devastating natural disaster. So, the priests and I set ourselves on a mission to find out why. It turns out that Muslim countries are afraid of receiving aid from any Christian groups because of fear of evangelism. This caused Catholic Relief Services, which is a major organization that would usually help with this situation, and would be the group that we send monetary donations to from our congregation, to not address the need of these people. In the end, our congregation still had a collection during one weekend at all the masses. They are now presenting the money collected to the Binghamton Muslim Student Association at Binghamton University, who was hosting the flood drive for these victims.

Many children go without food, clothing, and shelter every night because their homes were washed away with the flood. What we would like to focus on is providing warmth to these children. Every pediatrician would recommend that a baby be swaddled and held. But one of the main things that babies and Pakistan are missing for this activity is a blanket to be swaddled in!!! Blankets are one of the most important things for an enfant to have, they are used for: swaddling, providing comfort, and teaching self-soothing skills, along with many other things. Currently, children are going without this necessity through no fault of their own. So, if you have what it takes (a needle, thread, and some fabric or yarn), please help with this relief effort!!! It does not take much to make a blanket for a baby because they are not very big, so we are hoping, to be able to pool together quite a few of these blankets to ship to Pakistan (please see details below as to how they will arrive there).

Our goal is to make 200!!!!!!!!! If we can reach this number, we will be happy, if we make more, we will be thrilled!!!!!!!! As you make your blankets please think of the dear children that will be using them, and the benefits that they will receive from the home spun love that will be sent to them from across the globe. There will also be a place on the blog where you can post a picture of the blanket(s) you have made, and where we can begin to tally how many we have received so everyone knows when we reach our goal!!!!

Once you are done creating your masterpiece please mail it to either of the address’ listed below.

Where to Donate:

Binghamton University

ATTN: Muslim Student Association University Union – 308W

PO Box 6000

Binghamton, NY 13902

Or

Mary Grenchus-Allen

99 West End Avenue

Binghamton, NY 13905

Halloween

2010-10-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today is Halloween and Marcus and I are definitely doing something scary. We are taking the first draft of our play out for a spin. We are going to read it in front of two friends tonight, one a theatre professor and playwright herself. Oh, and Marcus has acted in one of her plays before. Not only will it be scary for me to read this out loud to other people--since I am a terrible actress--but the name of the play is kind of fitting too: Greyhound: Death, Madness, and a Love Story. Eeeks!

About This Picture
This picture was taken by me of Rodin's Gates of Hell outside of The Rodin Museum in Philadelphia.

One Year To Live

2010-10-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight I start a Shambhala meditation course called "One Year to Live." Each month for a year, I will attend a class with several other people who want to begin thinking about their lives as they truly are--fleeting and precious. Each one of us will come tonight having contemplated the question: if you had one year to live, what would that year look like? This is existentialism in action, a sustained cultivation of being-unto-death, but it will be decidedly grounded in Buddhist compassion.

Another question I ask myself is "who do I want to be when I meet my first child?" This question is still one that must be answered within a certain time frame but also considers my relationship with those who depend upon me and will depend upon me in the future. Both questions bring to the fore the weight of one's priorities, challenging the questioner to take a look around and to choose what matters most.

I surprised myself with my answer to these questions recently. When I think about having a lifetime to do what I would like, a long laundry list of dreams arise (see my previous post on Lists That Make My World Go Round). However, when I contract my temporal gaze to consider one or a couple years as a definitive chunk of my own development, I realize that I am already where I want to be, for the most part. I didn't expect this response.

That isn't to say I wouldn't change anything. Rather, I realize that if my life were a chess board, the pieces would already have been placed in such a way that I could reach the other side of the board without many regrets, if I just keep moving forward. I couldn't say this a year ago or even 6 months ago.

Two years ago I knew I needed to change my life; I was burnt out from giving all the energy I had to my professional and familial life (I don't have any children but loving my family requires a high level of emotional processing) and investing nothing in the things that made me feel at home in my own life. At that time I had decided to change the way I was living my life, but I needed to do a tremendous amount of work to follow through on this decision. It meant that I had to face the fear of disappointing everyone that had been supporting my professional development, including those who loved me the most. It meant developing emotional boundaries with those I cared most about. It meant moving and selling or donating almost everything that I owned. It meant staring into the bald face of unemployment. It meant letting go of several identities I had fought so hard to protect and nourish. It meant, most of all, tough-loving myself.

I didn't do this flawlessly or easily. There were things I knew I needed to do, but put off for a long time. When I made the decisions I needed to, I fought them through endless self-doubt and ambivalence. But I fought my way through my own self-defenses and have found myself on the other side of the fence. I am now on the side that, for the most part, appreciates the hard work I have put into changing my life. I am confident in my choices and at peace with them, for the most part.

I am happy.

I didn't know this until I did my One Year to Live homework and assessed my life. What would I change if I only had one year to live? The answer is nothing big. I would continue to go to work knowing that I am helping people who have a mental illness survive their own lives. If it weren't for the work my agency does, more people would have to live in hospitals or homeless shelters because they are not functioning high enough to make it on their own. I would continue to craft things of beauty and love for the people that I care for. I would continue to donate to and advocate for social and environmental causes. I would continue to sit at the Shambhala meditation center and donate my time to others who want to sit well. I would continue to make thank you gift baskets for people who invest in my life and who bring the best out in me. I would continue to invest in my family in a way that promotes healthy relationships. I would continue to exercise and eat healthy because it is a key component to my emotional health.

The changes that I would make would be:

Less online TV watching.

I would sit every day.

I wouldn't rush through my projects and worry over them.

I would enjoy their textures and their meaning for me.

I would worry less about my job performance and spend more energy being present on the job.

I would stick up for myself.

In other words, I wouldn't worry about failing my life.

I have fought very hard for a life I can respect, for a life I can believe in.

I would take the time to breathe it in, enjoy it, and share it with anyone who wants to be a part of it.

Now, would I continue to work on my dissertation? Probably not. But would I want to greet my first child knowing that I scaled this wall? Probably. So I still have some ambivalence in my life, but it has been drastically reduced. Another source of ambivalence is the tension between saving money and buying environmentally and socially conscious products.

I don't want to have time for life-sucking ambivalence; I want time only for life in all its bold and meaningful glory. This is what I want to keep developing. This is what I would want for my child. This is the life I want to look back on at my death bed, so that I know I can move on to whatever comes next, freely and with love for what I have been and what I will become.

Do you want to take the course at a Shambhala center near you? Click on the link. If there isn't one in your area, check out A Year to Live by Stephen Levine.

About this Picture

I took this picture of PMA's The Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner painted in 1898. It depicts the angel Gabriel telling Mary that she would bear the son of God.

Marcus' Red Cape Pictures

2010-10-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

Mary Grenchus took these pictures with her phone at the race.

Spirit of a 5k

2010-10-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

Marcus and I are going to run the Albany Winterfest 5K! Click "read more" to find out the details!

Marc and I were bitten with the 5k bug when we happened upon the Freihoffer's Women's 5k last year. Seeing all those powerful and determined women of all ages really impressed me--but I never thought I could run one. I thought Marc could and should if he wanted to, but I didn't think I could. They did, however, encourage me to step up my workout game. In general my feet are not in the best shape and neither are my knees. Marc ran his first 5 k a couple weekends ago and it was so much fun cheering him on. My sister Mary and I had a great time meeting him at three different locations to make it known that this runner was awesome not only for trying--but for doing! The other runners were also appreciative of our support and praise, which spurred them on.

Well, I decided yesterday, I am going to try it. I have been regularly training for 6 months on monolithic steps heaped on the New York State Museum. These steps, which I can now run up 8 times without dying, taught me how to breathe while exerting myself, how to love a physical challenge, and it also strengthened my knees. I play kick butt music, eye those steps, and go for it like no body's business. My knees were pretty weak at first and hurt when I was through, but over time they have been strengthened to the point now where they do not hurt at all after a serious work out. I was afraid of hurting myself, so I didn't try as hard as I could. Well, that fear is over. My feet still hurt, but nothing acetaminophen or aspirin cannot mediate. So I am going for it too. Marcus is going to do the Troy Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day with his friends (who, incidentally, are now running half marathons). I am rewarding myself for all my hard workout time with the Albany Winterfest 5k.

Yes, the Winterfest 5k is a run that takes place in winter, that is, cold weather, but that isn't so bad. I was getting up at 5 am last winter to go walking on the Plaza, so I know I can do this. It sounds crazy, and the security guards thought I was that police the Plaza thought I was, but it helped me clear my head before I big day teaching. The great thing about this winter's run is that it takes place in my neighborhood. They run right past our house and through the park and back down again. We saw the crazies do this last year--too many college-aged boys running without T-shirts running past our window. Who knew that I would be joining them this year?

The other perk? We run right through the park at 5:30 pm to enjoy the Christmas lights. I am excited by this because I remember seeing Washington D.C. when I was protesting the second Iraq war from the streets. They had been closed off and I promise you that the best way to see that area is right smack in the middle of the road without any traffic to worry about. It was truly awesome. This will be the same. I get to run in the middle of the road and enjoy the winter's magic at the same time.

The decision to do this was inspired, in part, by this documentary I watched yesterday: Spirit of the Marathon. It documents several runners through the Chicago marathon, something a friend of mine ran once. I remember cheering him on in Chinatown--but at the time I didn't really get why people would run in a race packed with people and didn't exactly how grueling the race can be. It would be amazing to see the city as a marathon participant--but I can only dream at this point. Anyway, it was great fun to watch the video because Chicago is one of my all time favorite cities. It was great to see some of the building I came to love while living there. You can watch this documentary on Hulu; the link above will take you there.

So, today, I hit the YMCA treadmill hard. I couldn't run the whole way, but I was able to ramp up my speed because of the enthusiasm I have for this new project. I also ran up the hardest part of the trail--a steep hill that starts out the race. I did this after my workout and couldn't run up the whole thing. So my first goals are to be able to run the whole 5k and to be able to make it up that hill afterward. Who cares about the time! I just want to DO this. With walking, my time is 33.2 minutes, a little over 11 minutes a mile. I know that the road will also slow me down some, so I am looking at about 40-45 minutes right now. Let's see if I can improve that time by race day.

I will be training before work for three days a week, most weeks, which will allow me to clear my head before I go in. It will also slow me down so that my racy self has already been run before I get to work--this has been keeping me even keeled at work. Oh, and did I mention the endorphins?

About the Pictures

These pictures were taken of Marcus on the day of his first 5k. He will be offering a post about that experience soon! More pictures of Marc will be posted on his posting!

Marcus Wants to Wear a Cape!

2010-09-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

Marcus wants to be a super hero and wear a red cape around town without catching the eye of every local police officer he crosses. How will he do this, you ask? By r-walking CARES Inc.'s 5K Aids Marathon in Washington Park this September 26th at 2 pm. Want to support him? Come to cheer him on or donate on Marc's donation page! This is his first marathon ever and he is ready to fly!

Trivia Fact about Marcus: In highschool Marcus shot putt-ed and discus-ed as well as wrestled. All activities involved tight shorts. He will forgo the speedos in this marathon--if--and only if--he can raise at least $300! If he fails? You get sweaty speedo Marcus posters for xmass! (Marcus is asking Starbucks to be a sponsor too, so there is a chance your mailboxes will not be violated.)

CARES stands for The Corporation for AIDS Research, Education, and Services. It began providing housing to people suffering from AIDS and has expanded its services to include addressing homelessness in general!

Online Entertainment at Its Best: LXD

2010-09-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

The power involved in break dancing is impressive and I want to learn how to do it. I ALWAYS stop to watch any street performances of the art when I chance upon them. Maybe I love the experience of a "happening" just as much as the performances themselves, which can vary greatly in quality. Or maybe I love the idea that its just some random person that day who chose to bust a move in the street. Maybe its that I cannot fathom doing something like that myself. Whatever it is, I always walk away happy. Well, online entertainment has done itself proud with LXD, which is a series of 5-10 minute video shorts featuring modern dance from break dancing to the robot to tap. The amazing thing about this series is that it has preserved the "happening" experience but ramped up the impact of the performance with contemporary cinematography. LXD is a story about a League of Extraordinary Dancers and a counter league of rebel dancers. There is nothing like it. Period. Nothing. It hits all the most intriguing spots and blows you away with the power of these dance performances. Each episode has its own flavor and featured dance. Some are comic book adventure, some are comedic, and some are thrillers. Through it all the quality of the dance is as high as contemporary dance I have seen in the big cities I lived in--but even more cutting edge.

About this Picture

I took this picture in Philadelphia of a mural.

Going to the Places that Scare You

2010-09-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

I started a new job yesterday and have a buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, and my friends to thank for it. I left teaching philosophy behind to return to my roots, working directly with people who truly need support. Its been a while since my stint working as a case manager for people without homes in Chicago. I was younger then and had more verve, or, at least, nerve. This time around, I was offered a job working as a case manager for people with a dual diagnosis of a developmental disability and a mental illness. Despite my past work experience, I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I was up to the task. My friends, however, had confidence for me. With that belief in my ability and Pema Chodron's advice in Going to the Places that Scare You audio book, I took the plunge.

Today is my second day and it has been overwhelming. I know, though, that I am in the right place because of how I felt watching my clients do their thing. I could feel how much I could care about them--how meaningful this job could really be for me.

I love working with people who are their very own brand of unique. When my heart opened up to the experience, something it didn't do until I actually was on the job site and got to interact with the clients, I knew I made the right decision to accept the job. A genuine fondness emerged in my experience, cutting through the intimidation and fear. I could hold their way of being at the center of my attention and let my own worries subside.

Up until now, though, I was putting my full trust in my friends' knowledge of me and my full faith in Pema's advice:

1. Confess or reveal your hidden flaws.

2. Approach what you find repulsive.

3. Help those you think you cannot help or who you do not want to help.

4. Anything you are attached to, let it go.

5. Go to the places that scare you.

1. Confess or reveal your hidden flaws: I am pretty good at this, in general, but in this instance I had to confess to myself something I wasn't used to confessing. I had to confess that I didn't know if I had it in me. Usually I put up a brave front and bowl ahead doing the best I can, no matter what. This time, though, I was hesitant. I didn't know if I wanted a job that I didn't feel I could do well. I had to confess that I wanted it easy for a change, that I didn't feel like challenging myself any more, that I wanted a free employment pass.

2. Approach what you find repulsive: I also had to confess that I was intimidated by the idea of working with people who had a dual diagnosis. I wanted to reject the offer because I didn't want to be intimidated. It is quite rare that I would find another person "repulsive"--usually the weirder you are the more interesting I find you. I talk to all kinds of people all over the place about all kinds of things. However, I do find myself repulsive on occasion, which usually happens when I am deeply disappointed in myself. I wanted to reject the offer because I wasn't sure if I had it in me any more and I didn't want to find out and be disappointed. I didn't know if I was close enough to the person that I used to be to work with high needs clients again.

3. Help those you think you cannot help or who you do not want to help: this point really hit me over the head when I went to make my decision. How much clearer can you get? After thinking about whether or not to take the job for couple weeks, I just said out loud "Alright Pema. I'm going to do it your way." I simply chose to take her word for it. After sitting with this instruction for awhile, I could really understand why this would be the task for a compassion-centered buddhist. By approaching the repulsive and helping those you don't want to or don't think you can help, you journey through yourself and out the other side. You journey through the feel-good ego, past the neurosis of the feel-bad ego, and right into life as it is.

4. Anything you are attached to, let it go: In this instance, it was my reputation as a stellar employee and as a good person. I had to let those concerns go, believe in my friends' knowledge of me, and embrace the opportunity, come what may.

5. Go to the places that scare you: I'm in the midst of this right now, but the insight I had at work was a flash of compassion that really cut through it for me. It isn't just a place that scares me but a place that helps me march directly into the maelstrom of my own mind and out the other side. I owe thanks to Pema, my friends, and last but not least, my new clients.

About the Picture

I took this picture in Philly behind PMA; I love the juxtaposition! It is kind of like my life right now.

Lists that Make My World Go Round

2010-08-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Lists. I love them. Always have. I think that's why my friends give me stacks of free post-it notes from doctor's offices. They keep my mind ordered and my world going round. Sometimes, though, I feel as if I'm at a stop light and have to wait my turn to make progress on my life list. At times like those, I like to make up a new list of what I really really want to do and then make a list of what I've already accomplished. It is actually cathartic and edifying. It helps you to release into the atmosphere the desires that you have pent up inside and helps you to recognize the desires you have fulfilled.

Several months ago I wrote a letter to my friend Celsea mentioning my frustration at not having "done anything interesting with my life yet." Always the self-censor, I then proceeded to detail all the "interesting" things I wanted to do and all the things that I had already done which I thought were interesting goals at one time or other. Below are my lists. It is a good idea to revisit your life lists every once in awhile to see just how far you have come and to reevaluate where you are going. Please, feel free to post some of the points on your list below. Cels and I traded lists and gained a great deal of inspiration from each other. It was kind of like a peek into each others' souls and a kick in our own pants at the same time.

My Newest Life List

1. Visit the art museum in Mexico City that houses Diego Rivera's Native Central American finds in it.

2. Live in San Francisco for two years (just because I liked it there).

3. Visit several mid-west and western national parks.

4. Volunteer in South America.

5. Go on a year-long retreat with exiled Tibetan buddhists in northern India, and, some summer retreats at the Shambhala center in Colorado.

6. Learn how to paint.

7. Set up my own craft business (which requires learning a marketable craft).

8. Live in NYC for a year so I can stuff myself daily with museums and cultural events.

9. Learn how to play a musical instrument, or, at least learn how to dance, for jitterbug's sake.

10. Go to Lithuania, where my great grandparents came from.

11. Go on an eco-tour of Iceland.

12. Write a piece of fiction (started a play with Marcus since I wrote this list).

13. Finish my dissertation and really come up with a great idea that could inspire me for a long time to come (have made a little progress since I made this list).

14. Learn how to knit socks.

15. Fall in love with vegetarianism (not just be it because I know I should, but really fall in love with the process of cooking vegetarian).

16. Visit the Navajo Reservation again.

17. Learn how to break dance.

18. Hike the Appalachian trail, then the pacific coast one.

19. Visit Graceland.

20. Maybe visit Asian and Africa, but I couldn't pick where right now.

21. Loose 50 pounds (get to my college weight again--have lost 18 so far since I made this list).

22. Visit Yellowstone.

23. Visit my friends in southern Spain and in Germany.

24. Learn how to can food.

25. Learn how to do yoga regularly and well.

26. Be able to do Tai Chi in the park.

27. Write a book that offers inspiration.

28. Find another job that I can believe in which does not do a number on my psyche (just got a job I can believe in--with 6 weeks vacation time so that I can adequately take care of my mental health!).

29. Learn how to make sourdough bread.

30. Sew my own awesome clothes out of discarded/resale stuff (made a skirt out of a dress I couldn't fit into any more this week).

31. Make new friends in Albany (still working on this one but I have started having some great coffee dates with interesting women in the area).

32. Work for the peace corps for two years.

33. Get a master's degree in something practical.

34. Have children or a child or adopt a child (at least now I have a regular job with benefits!) This list is not in the order of interest.

35. Learn how to do a handstand (I am currently working on this one).

36. Learn how to weave (I know how to weave if the loom is set up, but not if it isn't).

37. Make a quilt (I am in the process of this right now).

38. Start a retirement fund with investments in environmentally and socially friendly companies.

39. Become debt free (this is the reason why a lot of these other goals will stay on the back burner).

40. Learn how to meditate (still working on this one, but I am on the path).

41. Kick my online television show habit (some weeks I don't watch anything, but then I slip back into bad habits).

42. Kick my cheese habit (the calories are under control, but I still need cheese just about every day).

43. Buy a composter.

My Accomplished List

1. Learn how to make sushi.

2. Become really familiar with the works of modern painters and sculptors and appreciate them.

3. Kick my chocolate habit (I can't believe I did this one!).

4. Find a faith that I can celebrate in (the Shambhala center seems to be great for my spirituality).

5. Help people.

6. Be committed to the environment (still don't have a car and am usually vegetarian!)

7. Be committed to friends.

8. Learn a foreign language (I tried really hard with two and can translate badly, but I realized I am just simply not cut out to learn a language unless I live somewhere for a long time; so I tried it as much as I could, but didn't get very far.)

9. Learn how to knit.

10. Learn how to grow my own food (just got a new garden plot in Albany too! Now I am working on making sprouts at home which, for me, seems to hard).

11. Learn how to make my own gifts for other people.

12. Learn how to make paper.

13. Learn to appreciate hiakus.

14. Make life long friends with some awesome people.

15. Learn philosophy and how to think philosophically.

16. Write well (still working on this one).

17. Become more patient (still working on this one).

18. Learn how to make ice cream.

19. Learn how to make my own environmentally friendly and healthy bath products (so far I've mastered toothpaste, lotion, and bath salts and am able to make my own soap with a kit.)

20. Switch to feminine products that do not pollute the environment (did that this week and it is going really well, although it was oddly scary for me to make the switch--I switched to the Diva Cup and Gladrags).

21. Learn how to do yoga (I'm still a beginner, but I have mastered my yoga video at home).

22. Learn how to make baskets.

23. Read Tolstoy's War and Peace.

24. Learn how to appreciate jazz (still not able to appreciate modern jazz, but have gotten up through some Coltrane and Miles Davis).

25. Buy a bike.

26. Join a food co-op.

27. Be an adventurous eater. (This did lead us to an "ass-meat" situation once--the meat smelled and tasted what I imagined would be like butt--but it has also led us to Cuban, Thai, Japanese, and Brazilian food.)

28. Donate all unnecessary stuff and support public resources like libraries instead. (We still have things stored in Sarah and Jimmy's basement, but each time I go, I continue to put things into the good will pile.)

29. Learn to settle down and make a home for myself.

30. Use glass instead of plastic whenever possible (have made great progress, but could continue to do even better).

31. Switch to rechargeable batteries.

32. Shop at the farmers market every week.

About the Picture

This picture was taken of a statue in downtown Philadelphia.

10 Cents and 12 Tears a Minute: Running Away from the Army that Follows Verizon

2010-08-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

My heart is quivering with frustration and the vibrations are wringing tears out of my eyes, about a dozen per minute. Is my unlimited calling plan worth them?

After a "confrontational" discussion with a Verizon sales clerk (his words, not mine), I've decided not to be part of the "army that will follow" Verizon. Given Verizon's political donations, Verizon's recent dubious advertisment featuring teenage girls, and Verizon's wasteful practices, I am hitting the road. The recent advert hits the mark when it mentions armies, but isn't quite so honest when it indicates that Verizon gives voice to teenage girls' interests. When my Verizon bill arrives this month, part of it may very well go to anti-feminist, pro-war, anti-environmental, anti-union, and anti-net neutrality interests (see the links below for further discussion about their political support). Teenage girls may not care too much about net neutrality, but I am sure a great number of them care about the environment and about preserving the choices they legally have concerning the use of their own bodies.

My answer? CREDO. They've made it even easier for me to leave because they'll buy out my old Verizon contract, and, help me outrun my embarrassing cell phone track record by donating to causes that will champion rather than wreck civil and environmental interests. I've navigated their website and called them twice for enough information to make the right choice.

I am ashamed to say that not only am I a Verizon customer, but I have known about Verizon's politics for several months now and did nothing about it. I had my suspicions about the company because I learned about AT n T's pro-war track record in undergraduate peace studies classes, but I didn't pursue the knowledge I needed to make an informed decision about Verizon. I knew I couldn't afford CREDO, so I went for the best deal. Well, the great news is that CREDO has reworked their plans, making them more affordable for us low-income-high-ideal types.

Signing up with Verizon did come with some pain. I was an anti-cell phone hold out for a long time. However, I had to promise to get one after I ended up in an old man's car in a park I didn't know with an orange plastic cup of spiked Gatorade in my hand. (That's another story, one that indicates my unwise acceptance of all old men and my inability, in general, to be impolite to people much older than I.) I actually held off as long as I could after the Smitten Gatorade Grandpa hoodwinked me into the backseat of his old black Mazda. But then I took a job that meant I would be away from home for at least 4 months. So I had to.

Well, that's what I told myself as we entered the Verizon store, but once they started talking about contracts, I had to exit, leaving Marcus to sign all the papers. Even though we got the pay as you go plan rather than a contract, I wanted to give the clerks a piece of my mind about the practice of indenturing customers to corporations who make you sign a no sue clause. I seethed all the way home, shouting on the subway about what the world was coming to. (Yes, just like many old grumpy men I know. I guess this explains my kinship with old men. I am one; I just usually smell better. The problem is, they haven't made me a card carrying member yet.)

But I am calming down enough now to become side tracked. Back to the primary purpose of this blog post.

I didn't think my partner and I could afford CREDO and so we went with the next best thing, the cheapest minute by minute cell phone plan possible. (My decision isn't a rare one, but with CREDO's new prices, more people can now afford to switch.) Then we canceled our land line. Then we "upgraded" to a contract with Verizon, that is, after we paid an early termination contract fee for nixing our land line. I am not completely soul-less, though, we did try very hard to stick with independent land line providers who don't have senators in their trouser pockets and war hawks tucked into their socks. The problem is that such providers are hard to come by on the cell phone front.

I ate my American consumer pride and walked into the Verizon store a second time, but couldn't bring myself to listen to the contract schpeel, so I exited again seething to remain polite, until Marcus came out with the signed contract.

Well, three months later, my cell phone battery dies and I have to return to the store unsupervised; Marcus was out of town.

My phone is old, they said. They probably wouldn't be able to get me a battery. My response? "That is unacceptable," in a serious as death tone. He said that he would try, but the phone was "old" and they discontinued their use of it. {Hello, I thought, this phone is less than three years old.} He explained that they would have to buy the battery from another source, which, he indirectly indicated, Verizon would probably not be willing to do. He also explained that my kind of phone was the only one that carried that type of battery.

When I continued to pursue the issue, he told me that I was being "confrontational" and that he "didn't want to get confrontational" with me. This posturing didn't impress me much. I simply said that I did not have a problem with him, but that I would tell him what I thought as a customer.

I asked what my next course of action would be. He said he could get me a new phone, but, I would need to buy it for $50 and then mail in a rebate for $50. (He later left me a message saying that usually I would need to buy it for $69 and then do the rebate for $50, but that he could probably "swing" something for me, if I came in and called into their customer service line.)

I said "That does not make any sense to me. If you cannot get the battery for me, you should provide me with a replacement, without any additional hoops. I have already jumped through hoops to become your customer." He then proceeded to explain to me why the hoops were there. He also tried to diffuse my frustration by saying that he could see I was unhappy with the phone. At this point I felt sorry for him, although I wasn't really all that bad, just very serious and relentless.

{I am thinking, I am frustrated at the amount of waste that cell phone companies produce needlessly and the way they have rewritten consumer corporate relations. I am frustrated at the number of cell phones that are needlessly thrown away because Verizon does not find it cost effective to replace the batteries--especially when they can get their customers to pay for upgrades. I am frustrated that cell phones are no longer a luxury, but a necessity, and for this reason consumer relations should be regulated in such a way that contracts and especially no sue clauses should be banned.}

Most of what the Verizon customer service rep said was about contracts. We customers need to sign a contract because we get our phones for free and Verizon needs to re-coop the expense of them. My response: "When I signed up for the pay as you go plan, I bought this phone myself. It was not free."

After trying to insult the people who made us pay for the phone and thinking better of it, he then asked where we signed the new contract. I reminded him that it was there at his store. He then said he kind of recollected that. The guy who actually sold us the phone was right next to him with another customer.

Prior to this, by the way, he had encouraged me to go to another store in pursuit of the battery, which I refused to do. I bought the contract there, they should be able to help me with the battery.

He then again said that he should be able to get me a new phone, but I would have to do the rebate--in the end it was free. I said I would wait to see if he could get me the battery and then I would come back in to address this situation, if he could not.

My assessment of this situation is that Verizon should have been more clear when we signed our new contract. They asked us at that time if we wanted new phones, which we declined. Their answer was "really"? We said, "these are fine." We didn't want to add to the land fills. However, they didn't explain the problems we would face if we didn't upgrade our phones. So, ultimately they did have a customer service problem on their hands, even if I was being relentless. I was right, I think, about insisting that they help me at their store at their inconvenience, rather than mine.

However, I am actually thankful for this small grievance about Verizon's impact on the environment. My own specific situation helped me to understand that I was directly contributing to the problem by using Verizon as my provider. 130 million cell phones are discarded a year by Americans, heaping landfills with arsenic, antimony, beryllium, cadmium, copper, lead, nickel and zinc. "These toxins have been associated with cancer and neurological disorders, especially in children."

I called CREDO about the battery problem, asking them if I would encounter the same problem if I switched. The sales rep said that as long as the manufacturer produces the battery, they would get one for me. If the battery was the only problem, they would mail it to me. If there was a problem with the phone, they would mail me a new one and I would mail mine back after I activated the new phone.

They also have a great recycling program. Not only do they take used phones back that are inoperable to strip to reuse all the parts again or refurbish, but this program takes place in the U.S. It doesn't ship the phones overseas, which may result in dumping. (Some recycling technology companies have a very poor track record in this regard.) They also offer incentives for recycling. If the phone is still operable and you want to upgrade they will take the phone and give you the value of the used phone.

I am actually kind of thankful for the encounter today because it kicked my butt off the sidelines and made me do something about my frustration with Verizon's politics. It got me so mad that I called CREDO again.

First, I returned the Verizon sales rep's call, explainig that I was not happy with their service, but that my deeper complaint was about the political contributions that Verizon was making, and, that this particular situation was the last straw. He assured me that he had done what he could to get me a new battery and talked to several people about my situation. He said that he may be able to give me a donated cell phone to use. This is a better option than giving me a new one, but, it is still an environmentally unsustainable business practice.

So, Marcus and I are facing yet another canceled contract fee--but that's o.k. because CREDO will reimburse us for up to $200 worth. That will leave us with $50 left to pay out of our pockets. That's not so bad after all, is it?

I asked the CREDO customer sales person on the phone about their background, specifically their agreement with Sprint. They basically use Sprint's infrastructure and pay them to borrow it. The sales representative said that Sprint has not made any contributions to senators or non-profits that would undermine CREDO's efforts, but that CREDO was more proactive about pursuing the interests of the environment, women's rights, and all human's rights, etc. Check out the list of non-profits accepting CREDO's donations here; customers get to vote on where the donations go, too. They contribute to a number of organizations who fit under the following headings: civil rights, peace and international freedom, economic and social justice, voting rights and civic participation, and the environment. They are also the only phone company that takes the stand against the Patriot Act by not handing over cell phone records to the federal government.

If you don't want to pay extra for a proactive company trying to duke it out against the corporations that undermine the preservation of civil rights and avoid environmental devastation, you may want to look at Sprint. I am not sure if they have a contract buy out as well, or, if they will reward you with a $100 check if you get any one else to sign up with them, like CREDO does, but it doesn't hurt to call and ask. Also, CREDO explained that although they use Sprint's network, they do not have roaming charges. You can also keep your current number if you get CREDO service first and then cancel your other service. In addition to free CREDO customer calls, you can add 5 non CREDO numbers that you call for free at anytime without diminishing your minutes.

Pursue These Links for More on Verizon

CREDO on Verizon and AT&T anti-health care, pro-war, anti-environment, anti-choice donations (put arrow over "yes" under each column and see which senators and campaigns they have been contributing to.)

Verizon Anti-Choice and their justification.

Verizon Net Neutrality (net neutrality is the current principle governing the internet, that everyone's information is equally important, which may be dismantled by big corporate interests which want to institute a two-tiered system).

Verizon's anti-union efforts.

About the Picture
This picture was taken at PMA of Peter Sevirin Kroyer's Interior of a Tavern. I like this picture because it reminds me that I have to figure out how to become an official member of the old grumpy men club.

Have Free & Cheap Fun, Then, Take Indie to the Next Level

2010-08-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

Marcus and I have been thinking outside the box lately about how to have some free and dirt cheap fun. One idea we came up with was writing a play together, but this post includes a whole bunch of ideas, and, an outline of how we got started on writing our own play.

Word and Number Games

We bought a game book called Everything Giant Book of Brain-Boosting Puzzles to do at night before bed--get the book for free by following the link. We have learned how to play Soduko together--something I never thought I would have the inclination to do. There are also quite a number of free online crossword puzzle sites. These are easier to do than the Brain-Boosting ones, which we like because they make us feel smart.

Online Games

My friend Sarah also introduced me to Big Fish Games, where you can download all types of computer games for almost a third of the retail cost. Target sells these games for $21, but you can get them on the site for $8. Even better, you get to try them out for an hour for free. There are enough of them that you could play only games for free for quite awhile. We bought Geisha -- The Secret Garden and love it. It is a matching game with all sorts of extras and fun sound effects, and, you can rack up coins to spend so you can create your own garden. There are relaxing games like these and mystery games too. We also like The World of Goo; the sound effects are fun and the game encourages you to think non-linearly.

Vintage Magazines

Google Books is awesome--they actually have free books online. Check out the Life Magazines from the early part of this century; the pictures, cartoons, and advertisements are hilarious.

Podcasts

You can also listen to your favorite radio shows and original online shows whenever you want by downloading them free from the Itunes store. You can also go to their websites for this. For example, "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me" and "This American Life." You can even keep the ones that you like to listen to again. Go to the Itunes store online and click on the podcast tab up at the top. They have video podcasts too. If you subscribe, new ones will automatically download for you when you turn Itunes on. The links above will take you to their websites.

Free Movie Night Out

Then, of course, there is your local library, through which you can download audio books online or pick them up at the library. Our library also has free movie nights every other week. They could be showing anything from silent movies to contemporary comedies. We also like to check out old sci-fi movies to take home, like The Blob, and silent films. You can watch them, enjoying the quiet, or, have a conversation about the film at the same time as watching it. We like to read the stuff out loud and ad lib. Plus, some silent films are enjoyable in their own right; they introduce you to worlds of seeing and thinking that you cannot get in contemporary films.

Free and Cheap Swimming

I have also been frequenting the local swimming hole. The public pool is open for summer, and, when that's closed I'm going to the public bath house, which they converted into a pool. You can gain entrance for a dollar in an historical site frequently by the local community. I love getting my exercise there but its also fun to see what games kids make up. Some of them are pretty funny.

Free and Cheap Festivals

Festivals seem to be the thing for communities to do now. Marcus and I bring ourselves lunch and a picnic blanket and enjoy what's going on. Soon, there will be a free Jazz Festival in Albany, which we attended last year. It rocked not only for the music but for the people watching. The sheer variety of people there to enjoy the music was entertaining in its own right, and, its great to do my hippie dancing right next to someone who loves his soul train. I just went to the Rhinebeck Wool Festival; for $12 I got through the gates so that I could touch all the yarn I could handle, watch people spin yarn with various implements, watch people sheer sheep, watch contests for the best fibre producing animals, eat fresh cider donuts, try something called Artichokes French, and have the best people watching experience I have had in a long time.

Have A Play Party

One of my favorite memories of my friend Jimmy is during a reading of a play we did at our house. They came over for a visit and I wanted to do something fun. So we read The Importance of Being Ernest by Oscar Wilde outloud. Well, Jimmy read a female part with a valley girl accent that kept us rolling on the floor the whole time. Our friends Sandi and Jeff actually attend something more formally, a monthly Shakespeare reading group. You could start a reading group of your own, the purpose of which would be to perform, sing, etc something fun together. It may feel weird to do it at first, but once you decide to let loose, you will feel really funny yourself and liberated.

Take Indie Entertainment to the Next Level
Write a Short Story or Play

I know, it doesn't sound like fun, it sounds like homework, but actually, once you get into it, it can be very moving--much more so than a movie, even an independent one. Be independent yourself by investing your time and emotions into your own story.

Marcus and I have both wanted to write fiction in the past but didn't really have the guts to do it. Lately, we have been kicking around ideas of how to spend time together that doesn't involve online t.v. shows but kind of gives us a similar emotional charge. We found that writing something together was even better than we expected.

First, we thought about what kind of thing we wanted to write about. This took between a couple weeks to a month. We talked about novels, short stories, science fiction, mystery, etc.

When we actually sat down to start, we figured out we really wanted to write a play. for the first couple weeks.

We came up with moments in our lives that we felt were unique to us and definitive to the making of our own characters.

Now that we have been writing for about three weeks the characters themselves are developing their own style, with our insight as a jumping off point. We are feeling so much more dynamic as a couple and feel like we are really doing something meaningful with our time.

Our inspiration was our friend Sandi, who writes plays and invited us over in the fall to do a reading of her play, so she could hear how it sounded and paced itself in someone else's mouth. We both left her friend Jeff's house that night admiring her bravery and creativity. We wanted something like that in our lives too. It took us until the following summer to really feel like we were ready ourselves to try our hand at something that cool.

We have been pretty laid back about it. We put in an hour here or there a week. Sometimes while we are walking to our community garden we just think of a couple moments of imagery we want to include or a snatch of dialog. Then I jot it down when we get home.

Other days, when I am burnt out thinking about philosophy, I read through what we have and tweak it or get really into it and delve into the emotions of the piece. It is so much better than Hulu.

The play will probably take a year to complete, but the point is not to have a product to sell. It is to express ourselves. We are writing it for us. What is truly wonderful about this process is that we are creating characters that we have a good deal of sympathy for and we have found a way, through them, to have some sympathy for ourselves as well.

We are also getting excited about having people over to read it for us, when we have our first draft completed.

The writing is also acting as a way to warm me up to the task of writing my dissertation and is giving me more confidence in my own creativity. I have also been reading the book Writing Down the Bones, Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg. Her writing is informed by her Zen sitting practice and is really helpful in figuring out that even you, yes you there on the couch, have something to write about--and--how to do it well.

Museums & Cultural Events
And don't forget about your local musuems. There is usually at least one free day/pay what you want day. Consider getting a membership!

About the Picture

I took this picture at PMA of Camille Pissaro's Pont Neuf, Afternoon Sunshine. It portrays people bustling to and from a shopping center in France.

Bicycle Powered Theme Parks and Daryl Hannah

2010-08-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

Human ingenuity never fails to amaze me. At the turn of last century, there was a mechanical revolution that was powered by human muscle. Many of us are embracing this idea with the purchase of bicycles and other retro mechanical wonders, like hand-push muscle-powered lawn mowers. Daryl Hannah's online show DH Love Life features another awesome example: a cycle-powered theme park. Check out her site not only for this short feature, but for all sorts of green inspiration. It reminds me of when I used to make up fair rides and games at my grandparents summer farm, like the sour apple toss and the red wagon "nite frite" ride. OK, so my sister is still mad at me for the second idea, but I think that we all had fun doing the first!

About the Picture
I took this picture of the Philadelphia City Hall.

Heifer Project & Avoiding the Siren of Comfort Food

2010-08-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

Part of living a life full of gratitude is living a life sensitive to those who don't have the same level of protection that you enjoy. It also means taking care of your most important asset, your body. I've come up with a way to do both, and, offer strategies in this entry on how. Increase the protection of others' bodies against hunger, disease, and war, while taking care of your own body. Trade in the money you spend on one comfort food for a donation to an organization that addresses the risks of poverty. This entry will tell you how to avoid the siren of comfort food using Dr. David Kessler's book The End of Overeating, Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite. This book started my partner and I on a healthy eating path that has led to me kicking my chocolate and salty snack habit, my loosing 18 pounds, and my partner loosing 20 pounds.

Six months ago, Marcus and I were wasting a lot of money on food that did our bodies no service. After reading Kessler's book, I can confidently recommend that everyone cut out their most unhealthy but favorite snack food.

Put the money you would spend on this food aside. Twice a year, donate it. Have many favorites? Pick an imported or luxury item that you eat regularly but do not buy organic or fair trade regularly.

Places to donate? I like the Heifer Project. Trade your chocolate or cheesey snacks in for a bee hive and a chicken that can generate a great deal of economic and nutritional stability for a small community. Or help people through C.A.R.E., which got its start delivering care packages to people suffering from the second world war and works all over the world to address poverty.

Once we get back on our feet after a bout of unemployment for me, I want to donate the money I would have spent on chocolate this year to the Heifer Project. The Kessler book doesn't talk about charity, but with this book and the tips below, I know you can stop the craving that leads to wasteful purchases and additional pounds. The book explains how to pull up short a runaway appetite, and, explains all the reasons why its so difficult to do. Thanks to this book and 3 months hard work, I no longer have these cravings.

In the fall of 2009 I bought, and have since started loaning out, Dr. David Kessler's book. It took me about 6 months to pick it up after I bought it, since I wasn't all that motivated to avoid the siren of comfort food. I loved comfort food. However, when I was challenged to give up eating chocolate because even that amount of caffeine gave me a buzz, I picked it up. The girl who would eat chocolate instead of just about any meal she could gave up chocolate.

I am also a salt fiend. I'm not sure I'll every really get over salty foods, but I have gotten over a bunch of salty snacks and have decreased my general salt intake. Now that my taste buds have changed, these snacks often taste like salty cardboard.

In the past, this would have sounded to me like a horror movie. Why in the world would I want to give up such pleasure? Don't you dare even mention that I have a chocolate "addiction", since an addiction is something you don't want, I would say. Well, now, on the other side of my love for chocolate, I can say it was worth it. I know that if I can give up chocolate I can eat anything in moderation or give it up altogether. And I've put this to the test plenty.

I didn't however, manage this feat alone. It called for a great deal of effort for about three-six months (three for the chocolate and six for the salty snacks) and it took reading Kessler's book.

Kessler summarizes the problem of overeating with the phrase “cue-urge-reward-habit cycle.” He also explains how this natural system is exploited by the food industry, and how Americans can overcome this exploitation. Once I started reading this book right before bed, I found that I would wake up in the morning with more determination to reassert control over my eating habits.

Kessler discusses those of us who have developed a hyper sensitivity to food cues. We smell a brownie or a piece of pizza and we feel compelled to have one. The cue is the smell of the food which is promptly followed by the urge. When we have it, we experience the immediate reward of the food (the taste and biochemical reaction which influences our mood). The next time we experience the smell of pizza we will immediately want to do it all over again—a habit is formed.

The book spends a great number of its pages documenting the various ways that the food industry has made food “hyper-palatable.” This usually involves layering on fat, salt, and sugar. This can happen to such an extent that restaurants are now frying things twice, once in the factory and then again in the restaurant. This hyper-palatability is designed to make foods irresistible not only cognitively but biochemically.

When taking a cab ride the other day, I actually heard a Friendly’s commercial on the radio for a burger sandwiched by two grilled cheese sandwiches; it wasn’t a burger with a slice of cheese and a slice of bread on each side, but a burger with a whole grilled cheese sandwich on each side. This means four sides of bread were fried and the burger was fried—it is crazy when you realize that eating cheese is actually the least of your worries. Dr. Kessler would have had a field day with this one.

He also details the numerous ways that we are biochemically designed to respond to fat, salt, and sugar. The biggest shocker for me was his mention of a test on rats that indicated: sugar was more addictive to them than cocaine. Death by chocolate takes on a whole other meaning.

How to explain this? Foods that are hyper-palatable actually rewire the brain. There is a homeostatic system that regulates the dopamine we generate when we eat food. This system regulates how rewarding the food is emotionally. However, “if the stimulus is powerful enough, novel enough, or administered intermittently enough, the brain may not curb its dopamine response after all. Desire remains high. We see this with cocaine use, which does not result in {…homeostasis of dopamine}. A person who uses drugs of abuse will continue to release dopamine, generally at the same level as occurred with the initial use” (page 59). Hyper-palatable foods basically do the same thing and the food industry designs and markets them to be addictive.

These foods are addictive not only because they are hyper-palatable, but because they are designed not to satisfy. Not only do they trigger positive emotional responses, but everything down to the way they feel in our mouth is designed to keep us wanting more. There is little correlation between caloric intake and satisfaction. Not only is it not nutritionally satisfying, but the food exits the stomach so fast that it is not physically satisfying either. “Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body’s signals that should tell us ‘I’m full’” (page 95). Twinkies or even Snackwells may pop up into your mind at this point, but fatty foods do the same thing because they require very little saliva generation. They slide right down.

A recent Whole Living Magazine article also reported that ice cream and red-meat inhibit the brain’s recognition that it is full, contributing to overeating. It is interesting that when I stopped an anti-anxiety medication to go on amino acid therapy these were the two strongest cravings that I had: steak and Ben and Jerry’s.

Although you may have become hypersensitive to comfort food cues, there is still hope. Kessler provides a strategy to help circumvent the “cue-urge-reward-habit” cycle so that you can being to gain control of your cravings. Although will power is important, I like that Kessler realizes many of us exert a great deal of willpower and still fall short of our goals. The reason: it can be exhausting to exert such willpower all day. Kessler provides strategies that help you decrease the need for willpower, which is called for most once you are cued or your urge is leading you blindly to the nearest grocery store.

You must begin to recognize your cues and when you are being cued. Often cues swiftly become urges and once that happens it is quite difficult to back pedal. So avoiding or managing your exposure to your cues is the best strategy.
If you can avoid being cued you will have more willpower left over for when you are cued, which is inevitable if you continue to eat socially and engage in familiar activities.
The best way to do this is to make a meal plan for yourself full of foods that you can enjoy but that you do not love. Marcus and I have made a 12-day meal plan of healthy but tasty foods that we wouldn’t choose over pizza but could be satisfied with as a meal. After using this meal plan for just a week, our cravings decreased!
We continued using this plan and made it an inspiration for others to accomplish another one of Kessler’s suggestions: take the chaos out of your eating habits. Chaos leads to cues and urges—requiring a great deal of constant willpower. You may or may not have the ice cream in your fridge. You aren’t sure. It’s there and you know you shouldn’t have it, but you may let yourself anyway, depending upon your day. Going with a meal plan instead allows you to take out the monumental need for will power it takes to resist the ice cream if you know that it is an option. Kessler discusses the brain chemistry of people who smoke. If they know that they cannot smoke for four hours, their brain will not exhibit a level of excitation correlative to their addiction. However, if they think they may have the chance to smoke, just the possibility results in that excitation. So you need to find a way to put the possibility of eating unhealthy foods out of play for you.
Kessler suggests you must be strict with yourself at first and then over time you may be able to re-introduce some of your favorite foods. However, you have to pay close attention to the affects of eating that food. Some foods may remain hyper-palatable and may trigger your hyper-sensitivity. I know by my experience with chocolate that you can re-introduce some foods after a break from them. I was crazy for chocolate and ate it as meals. My motto was: whatever I eat, the calories had better be worth it (as in, they better give me a strong emotional high). To manage my anxiety naturally, I cut out all caffeine, which included chocolate. It was terribly difficult at first and I ate a lot of different foods to try to satisfy that craving, which didn’t work. After awhile though, I was able to see chocolate, and even make chocolate cakes for others, without wanting a piece. I will still have a taste occasionally, but I can still feel the effects of it on my mood and now that I do not have the cravings for it, it is easy for me to say no because I can register the negative effects without the impulse to eat it.
The meal plan should, unsurprisingly, be made up of foods that do not leave your digestive system readily and require a great deal of chewing. In other words, eat lean protein, whole grains, and fresh fruits and vegetables.

The recommendations, as you can see, are not that novel, but what I liked about this book were the explanations for why my cravings were so bad, why my willpower wasn’t enough, and why a meal plan would be worth trying (since I love chaos and hate regularity).

Fat Cravings
Eat fiber instead, which will also satisfy you and fill you up similarly to fat. I like Fiber One cereals. If fiber cereal doesn't do it, here are a couple of healthier fat options.

Instead of cheese, eat eggs or tofu. Dip a hard boiled egg in a combination of smoked paprika, salt, and fresh lemon zest. Or, make tofu cheese by marinating tofu in olive oil, vinegar, and italian seasoning; spread on fat-free low-salt crackers (I like pepper and poppy water crackers.

If you are craving chips, eat split pea chips. Soak yellow split-pea peas for 4 1/2 hours, then fry them with a little olive oil on medium-high heat until browned. Let cool, salt, and they will be crispy.

Eat tuna fish not fully drained of the water and mixed with lowfat yogurt and garlic powder. I load mine up with chopped celery, onions, and horseradish too. Eat on cucumber slices. The protein from the tuna and the yogurt will go along way to simulate the fat you crave and the taste will draw your attention away from whatever you had wanted.

Salt Cravings
Drink Water; it sounds counter-intuitive, but you may be thirsty. Also, I find that once I get on a roll drinking water, I can tell when I am thirsty rather than hungry much easier.

If you need a rich salty snack anyway: eat nori instead of chips or popcorn. Nori is seaweed turned into paper that people usually use to wrap sushi in. You can buy it in snack form: Sea Snax or Emerald Cove Silver Grade Spicy Nori Snacks at organic foods stores or online. You can also buy them in hard plastic containers in strips at asian markets, or, make your own. Powder sea salt in a spice grinder and put the powder into a repurposed spice container. Brush nori with sesame oil lightly. Crisp over a burner with tongs until crisp but not lightened (if the nori lightens to an ashy green, it is over cooked and will not taste as rich or flavorful). Dust on salt.

Make shrimp rice paper rolls (see my previous posting for a recipe) and lightly dip them in soy sauce watered down with lime and water.

Eat water crackers and salsa.

Sugar Cravings
Drink tea with Stevia. Avoid artificial sweeteners, even Splenda. Splenda is not biodegrading and is being found in polar bears--who knew they had a sweet tooth?

Still not doing it for you? Make homemade granola and snack on it straight up (see my previous posting for a recipe). Add dates to the granola and you'll get your carbs in much healthier from which will last longer in your system because it adds fiber.

Chocolate Cravings
Some of my friends swear by molasses. Some eat it straight up, but for those of use less initiated into the cult of molasses may want to treat it like chocolate syrup and add it to low fat milk.

Try making a steamer with warm milk and organic hazelnut syrup. This really pulled through for me.
About The Picture
I took this picture at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It is a portable fresco by Diego Rivera called Liberation of the Peon.

Buddhist Bravery, Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus, & Humor

2010-05-09T08:37:00.000-07:00

For the past 5 years, my version of bravery has been putting on a stiff upper lip as I marched gently into a room of surly defiant teenagers hell bent on hating philosophy. It was a war I often won by the middle of the semester, the peace flag murmurings of self-directed philosophical student reflection wafting in the collegiate air. It takes a great deal of a certain kind of bravery to perform such a feat, knowing full well how critical and resentful students can be of their professors in these irreverent times.

But, it seems, there is another sort of bravery, one that may require even more courage than this. According to Shambhala, The Sacred Path by Chogyam Trungpa the "key to warriorship and the first principle of Shambhala vision is not being afraid of who you are." Bravery is "not being afraid of yourself;" being "heroic and kind at the same time." Now, the heroic and kind thing I had down with my students, but once you ask me to take this attitude toward myself, my knees get weak. Well, they did until a couple days ago. Now, everything has shifted and I genuinely get what it means to say that each one of us is at root basic goodness. This doesn't mean that we all have the capacity to act the right way if we want to (although it doesn't preclude this either). It means that at root life itself is good and we are blossoms of goodness in our appreciation of it.

Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus says as much by insisting that the figure of Sisyphus isn't simply a melancholic tragic hero. Rather, the man who was condemned to roll a boulder up the side of a mountain over and over again for eternity had an attitude of appreciation for his existence in the world. At the moment when the boulder again plummeted to the bottom, Camus insists, Sisyphus may very well have found joy instead of despair in the absurdity of his labor. Sisyphus "concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of the stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Camus insists that the absurd does not necessarily lead to tragedy; rather "{o}ne does not discover the absurd without being tempted to write a manual of happiness." Camus is not offering an ancient Grecian happiness that is well-defined and guaranteed given the right social conditions; Camus is offering an existential version of happiness which is won through the embrace of the absurdity of life. (Existential absurdity is the concept for a world of meaning that is created and negotiated at every moment, and, for this reason, is not guaranteed by any higher power.)

It occurs to me that I could offer this single line--"{o}ne does not discover the absurd without being tempted to write a manual of happiness"--as a clear explanation for the writing of this blog. When I first read this essay by Camus, however, I could not or would not grasp his message. How could someone be doomed to such a life and yet see into it and beyond the particulars of it to embrace joy? I worried that this thought could function as a way to undermine our obligations to end oppression and suffering.

But it is precisely here that Buddhism has helped me understand Camus' point. One of the basic tenants of Buddhism is that life is suffering and it takes bravery to face it. Without this bravery you just manufacture more suffering (often psychic suffering) for yourself. To end this unnecessary amplification of pain which inevitably reverberates throughout the bodies and psyches of those around you, you must learn to face yourself and your life head on. "Very simply, Shambhala vision is trying to provoke you to understand how you live, your relationship with ordinary life.{...} We can see our shortcomings without feeling guilty or inadequate, and at the same time, we can see our potential for extending goodness to others. We can tell the truth straightforwardly and be absolutely open, but steadfast at the same time.{...} The essence of warriorship, or the essence of human bravery, is refusing to give up on anyone or anything."

Yet, this bravery is not accomplished by putting on a stiff upper lip when in the line of fire. Rather, according to Trungpa, it is accomplished through an attitude of humor. "The problem is that, when we begin to realize the potential goodness in ourselves, we often take our discovery much too seriously. We might kill for goodness or die for goodness; we want it so badly. What is lacking is a sense of humor. Humor here does not mean telling jokes or being comical or criticizing others and laughing at them. A genuine sense of humor is having a light touch. The basis of Shambhala vision is rediscovering that perfect and real sense of humor, that light touch of appreciation."

For the last couple days I have finally come to understand what this means. It means sitting on the bus and truly appreciating the ride. It means allowing yourself to smile at others and allowing them to smile at you in return. It means greeting the bus driver every day and learning his name. It means taking notice when the bus driver plasters his area with yellow smiley faces and wears a yellow smiley face medallion around his neck. It means letting your own quirky self replace the lacquered veneer of polite patience you assume around strangers. It means being in common with others. It means being with yourself even when you are alone. Keeping yourself company instead of the radio or television--even when you are agitated or afraid or lonely or worried or have a boulder you are pushing up a mountain. These are instances of bravery in an urban life full of strangers and distractions.

Sometimes the boulder is the fact of living with and among other people. The boulder may be riding the bus every day. Sometimes the boulder is the fact of living with and as yourself. The boulder may be the expectations you cling to for yourself. Both require fortitude, but more than this, they require a gentle sort of bravery that is open to the possibility of joy.

About the Book

After taking level one of Shambhala training, I was given a book called Shambhala, The Sacred Path of the Warrior by Chogyam Trungpa published by Shambhala Publications and copyrighted in 1984. When I receive books as presents, I usually wait to read them until exactly the right time, when I can sink my way into the message of the book. I have had this particular book for about three quarters of a year. I cracked it open last night. When Marcus and I went through the hundreds of books we had before moving to Albany, the only non-professional books I could not part with were my meditation books, some poetry books and, of course, Kafka's diaries. I bought two thick books by Thich Nhat Hanh at a flea market 4 years ago and I still haven't read them from cover to cover, which is just fine by me because they continue to promise fresh wisdom every time I go to them. On the other hand, I find that I accidentally open to the same passages each time I go to them and am reminded of just how awesome those books are.

About My Practice

I am currently sitting at the Albany Shambhala Meditation Center. Many of the practitioners at the center are seasoned sitters and are open to inviting guests to offer cutting edge classes. The center offers comprehensive programs that help introduce a person to the Shambhalan Buddhist path to enlightenment. There are Shambhala centers all over the U.S., so even if you do not live near Albany, there may still be one near you.

About the Picture

This picture was taken by me in Albany's Washington Park.

American Haiku for Beginners

2010-05-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

American haikus are full of surprises and this may be why I like them so much. The trick to appreciating one of these haikus is taking time to read each line on its own. Haikus will do nothing for you if you speed through them like any old romance novel. Let an imagery-filled feeling be solicited by the first line of the poem, then read the next line. Usually, the pow of the poem hits you in the last line. Sometimes all three lines are so well balanced with imagery that you can delight in each line separately--then hold them together in a way that fashions an entirely new meaning. If you participate in the creation of the meaning of the poem by giving your imagination time to fill in the meaning, the poem becomes something like a magical flourish. The meaning morphs before your eyes with each passing line because you allow it to capture your imagination. Try the below poems out for size! I have modified the structures of the first couple to give you some practice on focusing on one line at a time.

between the twirlers

and the marching band

the missing child

-- Bruce Detrick

Through the slats

of the outhouse door

Everest!

-- Margaret Chula

The sparkler goes out

and with it--the face

of the child.

-- Lorraine Ellis Harr

with a flourish

the waitress leaves behind

rearranged smears

-- Dee Evetts

Neighbor's children leave...

casually the cat slips out

of the hall closet

-- Patricia Neubauer

raining...

a can of paint

holds open the door

M. Kettner

Deep within the stream

the huge fish lie motionless

facing the current.

J. W. Hackett

broken bowl

the pieces

still rocking

Penny Harter

Where to Find These and More Haikus

These poems have been borrowed from The Haiku Anthology compiled by Cor van den Heuvel (Norton 1999). I never thought I liked haikus until I read this book. I think the reason is that Japanese haikus are loaded with Japanese cultural associations that are not part of the common American imaginary. Because the lines are so brief and because there is hardly any exposition, finding my way through a Japanese haiku was laborious. These haikus, on the other hand, delighted me thoroughly. They didn't come across as prim and ideal, even if each one held up a moment as if it were a sacrament of everyday life. Moments that would typically go unnoticed the poets distill into profound clarity, without appearing fussy. This is a genuine art because I cannot imagine anything is as fussy as writing a haiku. It is like attempting to communicate the power of an operetta into three slight notes. However, some critics consider this book to be a roughshod run past haiku because many of the "haikus" in this book do not adhere to the strict haiku guidelines (5-7-5 syllables). Some critics also suggest that the flips of meaning are a tongue and cheek nod to the real deal. While this may very well be, I think for a beginner this book does a great job capturing the reader's imagination. I certainly needed this allure, which persuaded me to dip my toe in water too deep or too obscure for my liking.

Lest the above selections mislead you, some of the haikus produce more than a wry smile:

too quick to reply

cutting my tongue

on the envelope

John Stevenson

Try to forget him

stabbing

the potatoes.

Alexis Rotella

the men on both sides

have taken

my armrests.

Karen Sohne

alone at last

i wonder where

everyone is

George Swede

lighting the path

to Walden Pond--

my bedside lamp

Ebba Story

the haiku

completely gone

by the time I've dried my hands

Karne Sohne

the blind musician

extending an old tin cup

collects a snowflake

Nicholas Virgilio

Some also hit on traditional haiku subject matter through their reverence for the natural world:

A dirt road...

acres of potato plants

white-flowered under the moon

Robert Speiss

A patter of rain...
The lily-pad undulates

on widening rings.

O. Mabson Southard

Down to dark leaf-mold

the falling dogwood-petal

carries its moonlight

O. Mabson Southard

About the Picture

This picture was taken by me of a blooming apple tree in Washington Park, Albany.

The Way of Grandma

2010-04-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

Between the two of us, Marcus and I own three or four Tao de Chings. What is so appealing about this slight but hefty booklet for Chinese leaders? The paradoxical truths offered open up a type of wisdom usually understood only by those who have lived a long life. The verses teach that the path to strength is a yielding one. The path to dignity is through an investment in what presents itself to you. My favorite passages do this with a few turns of phrase that beckon you to sit back and contemplate the paradoxical nature of one's own efficacy. Below are some of my favorites. If I were to rename this book, I would call it "The Way of Grandma."

"Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water,
Yet nothing can better overcome the hard and strong,
For they can neither control nor do away with it.

The soft overcomes the hard,
The yielding overcomes the strong;
Every person knows this,
But no one can practice it."

"Embracing the Way, you become embraced;
Breathing gently, you become newborn;
Clearing your mind, you become clear;
Nurturing your children, you become impartial;
Opening your heart, you become accepted;
Accepting the world, you embrace the Way.

Bearing and nurturing,
Creating but not owning,
Giving without demanding,
This is harmony."

"Accept and you become whole,
Bend and you straighten,
Empty and you fill,
Decay and you renew,
Want and you acquire,
Fulfill and you become confused.

The sage {grandmother} accepts the world
As the world accepts the Way;
{She} does not display {herself}, so is clearly seen,
Does not justify {herself}, so is recognized,
Does not boast, so is credited,
Does not pride {herself}, so endures,
Does not contend, so none contend against {her}.

The ancients said, 'Accept and you become whole',
Once whole, the world is as your home."

"Water overcomes the stone;
Without substance it requires no opening;
This is the benefit of taking no action.

Yet benefit without action,
And experience without abstraction,
Are practiced by very few."

"All the world says,
'I am important;
I am separate from all the world.
I am important because I am separate,
Were I the same, I could never be important.'

Yet here are three treasures
That I cherish and commend to you:
The first is compassion,
By which one finds courage.
The second is restraint,
By which one finds strength.
And the third is unimportance,
By which one finds influence.

Those who are fearless, but without compassion,
Powerful, but without restraint,
Or influential, yet important,
Cannot endure."

"Is the action of nature not unlike drawing a bow?
What is higher is pulled down, and what is lower is raised up;
What is taller is shortened, and what is thinner is broadened;
Nature's motion decreases those who have more than they need
And increases those who need more than they have.

It is not so with {Humans}.
{Humans} decrease{} those who need more than they have
And increase{} those who have more than they need.

To give away what you do not need is to follow the Way.
So the sage {grandmohter} gives without expectation,
Accomplishes without claiming credit,
And has no desire for ostentation."

About the Picture
I took this picture in a Chicago park.

Homemade Rosaries Photo Diary

2010-04-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

There is a former Tibetan Buddhist monk who sits with anyone who will come to his gift shop, Little Moon, on Wednesday evenings. Several people that I know have met him on separate occasions; it seems that some of my friends simply like to go in and have a chat with him every once in awhile! He is always open for a conversation, deep or otherwise, even with perfect strangers. As a thank you for the opportunity to sit with others so close to my home, I picked up several wooden prayer braclets from his shop one night. On another occasion, I bought fair trade turqois beads from India at the Lark Street Festival.

Every month or so I would take the beads out and appreciate their natural beauty, knowing that the money was given to the craftswomen and men who made them. I hold them in my hands, feeling the smooth substanital weight of the wood and the cool rough of the stone, and wonder what they would become. Well, this week, I realized that they were to become a handmade rosary for my sister's birthday. Here are the steps it takes to make a handmade rosary!

First you will want to buy some beads. I decided to make a family rosary for my sister and her twin 4-year old boys, so the beads were bigger than they usually are for rosaries. The bigger beads will allow the boys to handle the rosaries together if they wish and focus on one bead at a time.

You will need 53 smaller beads and 6 larger beads. I inverted this because of the number of beads I had, but, then decoratively separated out the smaller single beads.

You will also need a three looped medalion to bring the two strands of beads together and a cross. You can purchase these online. I thought since my rosary was a family rosary, I would let the family pick out the medalion and the cross together themselves. You can skip the whole wire working stuff if you want by buying the wire rings online as well. In this case, you will need different jewelry working tools than those pictured and discussed here (see the video below for instructions). I wanted to make as much by hand as possible!

Next, you will need to buy a couple tools. A set of cheap jewelry making wire cutters and some jewlery pliers will do. Make sure you get a pair of wire cutters, a pair of fully rounded pliers, and a pair of flat pliers.

You will also need some wire, but I do not recommend jewelry wire because it is too delicate. I had this steel garden wire (for taming unruly tomato plants) which I excavted in the back of my mop closet. That worked just fine and I like the idea of my nephews' beads being attached with steel. Even if they manage to pry them apart, Mary will be able to join the thing back together again, no harm done. This wire must be fairly strong to endure tugging, but thin enough to go through the holes of the beads. I would suggest buying the beads first, then the wire.

Then, you will cut enough wire to go through a single small bead (one of the 53). Form a loop on each end by twisting the wire around the rounded pliers. Use the flat edged pliers to close the loop. Do this again with another bead, but leave one end open. Loop the open-ended portion through the completed loop of the other bead. Then close. Keep this going until you have completed a string of ten beads, keeping the last wire end open to attach to the larger bead.

Now you are ready to add one of the 6 larger beads. I did something fancy here, but it is not necessary. I looped the wire three times before putting it into the bead to symbolize the trinity. I then joined the middle loop to the 10-bead string bead. I did the same on the other side. This offered a little decorative ornament which makes the string look handmade but ornate. When you are done with the primary ring of beads (10 small, 1 large, 10 small, 1 large, 10 small, 1 large, 10 small, 1 large, 10 small), use the remaining beads by making the string that will attach the medalion and the cross, completing the rosary.

Connect the rosary together using the medalion, then add the cross.

Finally, wrap it and do not forget to make a homemade tag to go with it that explains the significance of you making it for them!

Remind them to have it blessed by a priest too!

Making a Rosary Only Out of Twine
There is also this tradition of making rosaries out of twine. It requires the ability to understand how to make a complicated knot, but that is about it. It is probably the least expensive option available and could be fun to do with kids.

Need A Video to Help?
If you are unfamiliar with jewlery making altogether and cannot get your mind around it, you can also watch a step by step visual guide through the process by watching this video. I think this woman is the best; the video comes in parts so that she can take her time and walk you through each step.

About the Picture

All the pictures were taken by me. The diagram was borrowed from "Real Men Pray the Rosary", without their permission, which is fitting since the rosary is for my nephews. It is basically a guide book on how to pray the rosary while encouraging men to become comfortable saying the Hail Mary, etc.

What Queen Can Teach Us

2010-04-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

I have recently begun to appreciate Freddie Mercury's work with Queen. I will take wisdom and encouragement wherever it comes from and, I have to say, there are a couple songs that I listen to quite frequently these days. One is Under Pressure Mega Remix
sung by Freddie Mercury and David Bowie. The other one is Heaven for Everyone. (The links offer audio and video, but I would suggest minimizing the video and just listening to them. I am not sure the video distracts from the messages.) Both can vie for attention next to the loud noises of the bus and, if you get the remixes of them, can really drive you in a workout. The basic point? "Let's give love one more chance"--which it seems I am always doing even in "the terror of what this world is about." It is important when studying about oppression and working with people whose lives are riddled with pain to keep giving love just one more chance. Just one more chance, every new second. Just one second at a time. And, when my pride gets in the way of doing that, I play the song that reminds me that "this world could be heaven for everyone." What more could a mantra say?

About the Picture
This picture was borrowed without permission from QueenZone.com.

Emerson on Intuitive Self-Reliance & Ethics

2010-04-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

I just had the honor to reconnect with a wonderful woman I have not seen in over a decade. That I can write this sentence is itself shocking to me. What was wonderful about hearing from Joanne was my certainty that we would be able to pick up where we had left off. Being of profound spirit, within two emails Joanne began to discuss with me the current state of our faiths, deeply and honestly. We both were familiar with the desire to articulate a relationship with a Divine Being that we were not up to the task of naming or dogmatizing. This posting is for her, in thankfulness for her fortuitous presence in my life, at a time when I had just begun to emerge as the person I was to become.

Joanne is a wonderful and deeply spiritual human being who, like me, is certain that there is a divine dimension to our experience on the planet. This commitment, which requires fortitude, stays true to her deepest insights about the essential namelessness of the Divine, in an effort to remain as open as she can to the depths of the experience of it. The below entry offers excerpts from Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance" which attempts to get at the heart of the origin of all conviction and I think it articulates and supports something that Joanne and I have been grappling with for some time.

Emerson is one of those names you hear when people begin to catalog the great American thinkers that have walked upon the purple plains of our land. He is always one of the first to roll off the tongue, definitively. This week I decided to check out a big fat The Portable Emerson and flipped through the various essays and settled into reading "Self-Reliance." I shouldn't have. Whenever I read a good book in bed, it leads to a shorter night's sleep. My heart begins to race because, for a few moments, I feel that I have found something precious. All I want to do is call someone and share passages. Hence, the creation of this blog! If nothing else, it has been a partial cure to insomnia. I know that in the morning I will be able to jot down fleeting thoughts about that which inspires me, and, that I am sparing my friends from longer phone calls.

Although I do not agree with his politics in this piece, I do agree with a more fundamental point he makes and have believed it myself for quite awhile: every one of us has thoughts worth thinking and speaking. The trouble is that we need to learn to rely on them. Here are some passages from this essay that calls us back to the dismissed recesses of our own minds, which are the pools from which dignity wells....

"A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of a firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this."...

"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."...

"But the man in the street, finding no worth in himself which corresponds to the force which built a tower or sculptured a marble god, feels poor when he looks on these."...

"The magnetism which all original action exerts is explained when we inquire the reason of self-trust. Who is the Trustee? What is the aboriginal self, on which a universal reliance may be grounded? What is the nature and power of that science-baffling star, without parallax, without calculable elements, which shoots a ray of beauty even into trivial and impure actions, if the least mark of independence appear? The inquiry leads us to that source, at once the essence of genius, of virtue, and of life, which we call Spontaneity or Instinct. We denote this primary wisdom as Intuition, whilst all later teachings are tuitions. In that deep force, the last fact behind which analysis cannot go, all things find their common origin. For the sense of being which in calm hours arises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them and proceeds obviously from the same source whence their life and being also proceed. We first share the life by which things exist and afterwards see them as appearances in nature and forget that we have shared their cause. Here is the fountain of action and thought. Here are the lungs of that inspiration which giveth man wisdom and which cannot be denied without impiety and atheism. We lie in the lap of immense intelligence, which makes us receivers of its truth and organs of its activity. When we discern justice, when we discern truth, we do nothing of ourselves, but allow a passage to its beams. If we ask whence this comes, if we seek to pry into the soul that causes, all philosophy is at fault. Its presence and its absence is all we can affirm."...

"And now at last the highest truth on this subject remains unsaid; probably cannot be said; for all that we say is the far-off remembering of the intuition. That thought by what I can now nearest approach to say it, is this. {...} All persons that ever existed are its forgotten ministers. Fear and hope are alike beneath it. There is somewhat low even in hope. In the hour of vision there is nothing that can be called gratitude, nor properly joy. The soul raised over passion beholds identity and eternal causation, perceives the self-existence of Truth and Right, and calms itself with knowing that all things go well. {...} This which I think and feel underlay every former state of life and circumstances, as it does underlie my present, and what is called life and what is called death."...

"This is one fact the world hates; that the soul becomes; for that forever degrades the past, turns all riches to poverty, all reputation to a shame, confounds the saint with the rogue, shoves Jesus with Judas equally aside. Why then do we prate of self-reliance? Inasmuch as the soul is present there will be power not confident but agent. To talk of reliance is a poor external way of speaking. Speak rather of that which relies because it works and is. Who has more obedience than I masters me, though he should not raise his finger. Round him I must revolve by the gravitation of spirits. We fancy it rhetoric when we speak of eminent virtue. We do not yet see that virtue is Height, and that a man or a company of men, plastic and permeable to principles, by the law of nature must overpower and ride all cities, nations, kings, rich men, poets, who are not."

This is not to say that Jesus is not an important role model, but simply to say that role models themselves are suspect if not followed with a deeper intuitive understanding of what is truthful and right. Even Saint Augustine suggests that one can only find God and truth if one strikes out on one's own, rather than listening to or emulating those who seem to have it figured out. He would not have extended this assertion to the imitation of Jesus, but, he does make clear that attempting to copy another person's actions who seems virtuous is a flawed way to spiritually proceed in one's life. One must, he suggests, will their own virtue. Emerson is suggesting that one become the mouthpiece of one's truthful and virtuous intuitions in the face of convention which condemns the different because it is so.

"This is the ultimate fact which we so quickly reach on this, as on every topic, the resolution of all into ever-blessed ONE. Self-existence is the attribute of the Supreme Cause, and it constitutes the measure of good by the degree in which it enters into all lower forms. All things real are so by so much virtue as they contain."... (Just as a side-note, this is a Platonic understanding of truth he is employing, despite his disparaging words about philosophy in this text; Augustine is a neo-Platonic thinker.)

"Thus all concentrates: let us not rove; let us sit at home with the cause. Let us stun and astonish intruding rabble of men and books and institutions by a simple declaration of the divine fact. Bid the invaders take the shoes from off their feet, for God is here within. Let our simplicity judge them, and our docility to our own law demonstrate the poverty of nature and fortune beside our native riches."

"The populace think that your rejection of popular standards is a rejection of all standard..."

"If any man consider the present aspects of what is called by distinction society, he will see the need of these ethics. The sinew and heart of man seem to be drawn out, and we are become timorous, desponding whimperers. We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. We want men and women who shall renovate life and our social state, but we see that most natures are insolvent, cannot satisfy their own wants, have an ambition out of all proportion to their practical force and do lean and beg day and night continually. Our housekeeping is mendicant, our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlor soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born."

"Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? Every great man is a unique."

"Not possibly will the soul, all rich, all eloquent, with thousand-cloven tongue, deign to repeat itself; but if you can hear what these patriarchs say, surely you can reply to them in the same pitch of voice; for the ear and the tongue are two organs of one nature. Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart, and thou shalt reproduce the Foreworld again." The Foreworld, as I can tell, is the intuitive world that is the wellspring of meaning, which necessarily revolutionizes all prior dogmatic thought.

About this Book

The Portable Emerson was edited by Carl Bode in collaboration with Malcom Cowley. It was published in 1979 by Penguin Books.

About this Picture

This picture was borrowed from:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Statue_of_Ralph_Waldo_Emerson.png

A Buddhist Nun Explains Buddhism

2010-04-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

Let's think about Buddhist compassion for a minute, and, since we were on the subject of nuns earlier, let's do it through the thoughts of a Buddhist nun. The question is: how can we best be compassionate? I would love to hear your response to this question since compassion seems to be at the root of ethics and I think we can all learn from each other. I do not think you have to be a Buddhist to have immense amounts of compassion, but Buddhists do, I think, turn it into a challenging art of life, which I deeply appreciate.

Before we do, here are a couple videos that can serve as a primer on Buddhist spiritual practice. They are not definitive, but only a dip of the toe into the discipline as it is accessed by one practitioner. First, a great short clip from a popular Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, on what it means to have a relationship to the figure Buddha; Bill Moyers asks her to compare it to a person's relationship with Christ. In this next video, she discusses the job of the spiritual friend--which she actually says is to insult you! She then goes on to talk about our preoccupation with annoyances and the lousy world to show us how crazy we can be when we live our lives simply to stave off discomfort.

At the center of Buddhism is compassion and Pema has a wonderful piece on it on her website. Here is an excerpt, where she discusses what is often the aim of true compassion for a Buddhist:

"Somehow the root of suffering is how we escalate the suffering, how we make the suffering more intense by going on and on and on about it with our habitual reactiveness. In some sense, not to get too complicated or psychological, but often what we're wishing for people is that they be free of their fear of what's happening to them, or their depression about what's happening to them, or their bitterness and anger about what's happening to them. You see what I'm saying? Because sometimes what's happening to them, we actually can't, it can't be changed. We might wish that it could be changed, but we're not trying to do this practice to get into kind of wishful thinking or, like, if we just aspire enough that everything is going to be all right. Because in life there's so much not everything being alright, you know. So somehow it's more like..."

I often show compassion by commiserating with my friends. I communicate to you that I understand what you are going through and how hard it has been and how hard it will probably continue to be. I may even try to help you make decisions on how to change things so that the suffering will be alleviated. However, I learned in my homelessness work that the best people at the job were people with senses of humor. People who could cut through the crust of ongoing psychic pain to plumb the softer depths of the experience. In this way, people were able to find nourishing substance in their experience, because at that moment they realized that they were, no matter what, free to take a different attitude toward the experience. This is called by Cornel West, an African American philosopher, the prophetic which, he suggests, is illustrated well by African American thinkers in their use of the tragicomic hope. That is, it challenges the submission to the pain we create for ourselves by identifying with the hardships in life without a critical, creative distance--it is this distance that truly allows change to occur. It is also this distance that allows us to take up our responsibility to each other in times of crisis.

What do you think? How do you understand compassion? Please feel free to respond to this entry. I would love to hear your thoughts.

About My Practice
I am currently sitting at the Albany Shambhala Meditation Center. Many of the practitioners at the center are seasoned sitters and are open to inviting guests to offer cutting edge classes. I loved the classes I have recently taken there on embodiment. I am interested in the layers of psychic and social baggage our bodies often carry for us without our knowledge that shape the way we interact with others. However, the center offers comprehensive programs that help introduce a person to the Shambhalan Buddhist path to enlightenment. There are Shambhala centers all over the U.S., so even if you do not live near Albany, there may still be one near you. Pema Chodron practices within the Shambhala lineage.

About the Picture
This picture was borrowed without permission from the Shambhala Sun Times. You can check out a larger version at: http://shambhalatimes.org/files/2009/02/pema-chodron_036-4x6.jpg

It was published in the following article on Pema:
The Pema Chodron Foundation.

Catholicism in a Consummerist Age

2010-04-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

With consumer worship of the almighty brand, there isn't much room left for Christ, says contemporary religious scholars. How to compete in a capitalist culture? Re-inscribe the brand while subverting rivaling ones. Here are a cluster of Christian Commercials that comically jew-ditz-zu itunes, perhaps in response to the corporate use of Catholic images (like women in habits) to comically move products like cell phones. That's o.k., though, there is also an anti-consumerist commercial encouraging women to become nuns for fashion reasons. At some point, though, the commercials go to all out war against each other. First a coke commercial using the image of a sexy priest and then an anti-coke commercial.

About this Picture
I took this picture of a church in downtown Philadelphia.

Stolen Cars and Panty Liners

2010-04-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

So, this blog is mostly about me and my adventures, but there are some stories that just have to be shared that do not have me--the star of this meager blog--as the central figure. This story is about Sarah, my best friend for many years, who has proven without the shadow of a doubt in my mind that she is, indeed, psychic. The story involves a stolen car, a couple days, and a secret stash of panty liners.

It was a cool spring night. The young dogwood bloomed in the front yard while Sarah's new car nestled itself in the driveway. The trusty white Honda that had seen Sarah through years of commuting on congested roads glinted, even if dustily, on a stretch of street in front of the house. Sarah, looking askance at the dim streetlights that illuminated her soon-to-be-donated four-wheeled friend. Would it be safe by itself on the street? "Maybe we ought to move it into the driveway, just in case. If it were in the drive way, it would be too difficult to remove...."

Unfortunately, the car never regained its privileged position in the driveway and was left alone beneath the yellow lights of the tiny urban patch of civilization called Allentown.

"Sarah," shook Jimmy, her husband who rushed back into the house the next bright morning. "Sarah, did you move the car?" They knew at once that Sarah's hunch had been right. The car whose peers were most likely to be stolen for its parts had been unsafe. The neighborhood street gaped vacantly at them. Yes, Sarah had been lucky because she had just bought a new car, but what would come of her old reliable hunk of steel? She had envisioned a new life for it, a life where it could still serve someone who needed it. She had planned to donate it to a local charity. (Click on this link if you are interested in donating your car.) Now, she had a queasy feeling about its fate.

That weekend, Anne showed up to discuss the chaotic business and leisure of her life. Eventually, when Sarah got a word in edge wise, she mused out loud about the fate of the poor Honda. Literally, it took a dinner at a packed diner and two hours into a 3 1/2 hour car ride, for Sarah to have the opportunity to announce the most shocking event to ever happen to a car owner (aside from, you know, accidents and stuff). Anne silently contemplated the tragedy as Sarah remarked ironically about the surprise that would await the robbers.

No, it wasn't anything molding in the cup holder or fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror.

In one of her moments of practical planning, of which there have been many, Sarah had stashed a packet of panty liners in the glove compartment. Sarah is the sort of person you call when your kitchen sink explodes and all you have on hand are rubber bands, gum, and newspaper. I think she was born with a practical magic fairy.

Well, we both giggled as we thought of the shocked ruffian who would discover them. I envisioned the young upstart (because how many hardened criminals would make their way to the streets of Allentown to make their mark?). Eagerly, he yanks open the door that promises secret treasures as he drives recklessly through the abandoned 3 am weeknight streets. What explodes out of the compartment isn't wads of money or even hordes of chewing gum. Instead, a plastic waterfall of puffy pink packages erupt. He reflexively averts his eyes, as he always had done before, and drives into a ditch. From there my vision got fuzzy on the details, but I thought about him running away from the wreck horrified at the secrets of female practicality.

If it had taken place a little further south, I would also have envisioned hound dogs braying at the moon, smelling the scent of a frightened car thief on the run.

Well, the next night, as Sarah, Jimmy, and I relaxed into the evening in their living room, with ice cream in hand, we discovered an ominous message on Sarah's cell phone. She immediately made a 10 pm phone call to the police, who had no idea about the status of her poor car. It was then suffering through a shift change in the police force and undignified "processing" for clues regarding the evil doer.

Finally, after the car had been fully processed and anything amiss cataloged, Sarah took repossession of her car--which was all still in one piece. She popped the hood of the trunk and used all the knowledge she gained from listening to hours of Car Talk. (Yeah, girls can change their own oil too). She concluded that everything was in order. She tapped the tires with her shoes on the way back to the trunk. Again, everything looked as it had been before the abduction. She opened the doors and noted, to her wonderment, that even the change in the cup holder and the wallet wedged between the front seats were accounted for. She then opened the glove compartment.

The only thing missing were the panty liners.

WARNING: Adult Learning to Ride A Bike, Steer Clear!

2010-04-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Learning to ride a bike is an exciting endeavor filled with danger, injury, embarrassment, frustration, anger, and tears--especially if you are a 36 year old man. This is my story, and I am proud to tell it.

Anne and I first started this endeavor by buying beautiful bikes. This is great motivation because you get to start out with a new toy. Then there is the helmet, the water bottle rack, the free water bottle, the chains and locks, and all other kinds of cool equipment. This did not, to the chagrin of my partner, include adult training wheels.

The first step is not so easy: you have to admit that you don't know how to ride a bike in front of strangers at the bike shop. Also, you have to steel your nerves against the incredulous faces of weirded-out little kids in the park.

Be aware that random people will try to help you at this point. Remember that they mean well, even if their advice is inane. Some of them are just trying to reassure their children that when their turn comes, everything will be under control.

Also keep in mind that if you fall, an adult is much more likely to really hurt themselves. Not only is the bike taller, but you are heavier than the average seven year old.

Before I give my play by play advice, let me just say that overcoming in some small way my phobia of unrestrained forward momentum has been very rewarding. I totally rock now.

Actually getting on and getting the bike to do what you want it to is full of difficulties.

Here are the steps that I used to learn how to ride a bike at the distinguished age of 36.

Step One: Find a flat area. I chose and exquisite gray marble trail by the state capital building that we have just realized is off limits to us biker ruffians. Lower the seat as low as it will go, preferably so that you can touch the ground with your feet flat.

Step Two: Push off with your feet and try to balance while the bike glides forward. Do not worry about having your feet on the pedals at this point. Always remember not to watch your feet, but look ahead. As my friend Mark told me "Look where you want the bike to go". It is handy at this point to have a willing participant push your bike seat gently while you figure out how to maintain your balance. Realize that turning the front wheel will help you keep your balance.

Step Three: When you get some confidence, go down a gentle slope to build up speed. I recommend short runs of no more than 100 yards to begin with.

Step Four: Remember that you have brakes. Use them judiciously. For example, do not slam on the front wheel brake, "this will hurl you over the bike,"suggested the professional bike guy. The back wheel brake is your true friend.

Step Five: Start to weave back and forth by turning the the front wheel while gliding. This will help you with balance while turning and will allow you time to get your feet on the pedals.

Step Six: Once you have accomplished this you are almost there. The next step? Start pedaling. Always remember that you can brake. Keep your seat down low so that you can put your foot down if you have to.

Step Seven: Once you have pedaled for a couple revolutions without putting your foot down, you have made it! Now you can really experiment with different terrains and can pedal through the park without killing small dogs or hurling yourself into a ravine. This is where I am now. I am on a great adventure. I have no idea what is coming next.

Now you are on your way to switching from your four wheeled money pit to a lighter more carefree commuting vehicle. Wooohooo! I plan to switch the bus in for the bike in my daily commute.

Buddhist Quote

2010-03-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

"Everything inside and around us wants to reflect itself in us. We don't have to go anywhere to obtain the truth. We only need to be still and things will reveal themselves in the still water of our heart." Tich Nat Hahn

The Cone of Power -- Darn that John Updike

2010-03-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

I decided to give a name to an experience I have that I will explain in this entry: the cone of power. That is, friend power. I have some awesome friends. Anyone who reminds me how to be the virtuous person I want to be through their example and support is, for me, a friend. There is no statute of limitations, but usually friends are people I have spent some meaningful time with at some point in my life (a week to many years) who fit this bill. So Kafka is not my friend even though I love his diaries, but someone I worked along side for a week on a Navajo Reservation is. Now, it may very well be that Kafka has had at least as much influence in my life as my friend Michel (the dude from Quebec who I met on the rez), but Kafka doesn't really count as a friend and I think the reason is because of the cone of power.

Unfortunately, after writing this post I picked up a book by John Updike, The Witches of Eastwick. And guess what? He had already come up with the phrase and used it to discuss friendship too. However, my version is way way better. See the comments for the excerpt of Updike's version.

Now, another friend Celsea actually helped me figure out the concept of the cone of power. See, I had been telling her about this book called Affluenza and it was more than a year later when she came across it in, I think, a cabin and realized that she actually knew very well one of the dudes who wrote it. Now the cone of power is this thing that you create without your even knowing it. You are the tip of an invisible cone of hidden interconnectivities that stretches out from you. Every once in a while you have Kevin Bacon moment (you know, everyone knows Kevin Bacon indirectly by knowing someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone--keep this up seven times).

Since I am an existentialist I wouldn't say that it is fate. I would, though, say that it indicates this cone of interconnections that emerge more and more as you get deeper and deeper into what you love and care about in the world. This cone is one of power because it has the power to mirror back to you the investments you have made in the world.

Now, Kafka cannot be part of my cone of power because, for one, he is dead and I never really knew him. If I met someone else who read his diaries I would be impressed with that person and want to talk her ear off. But that isn't the cone of power.

However, that I am friends with a woman who would stay in a cabin and pick up a book called Affluenza and happen to read the back cover which happens to list as an author one of her family's close friends is not a complete coincidence. It is a sign that the cone exists, and, it gives both of us this subtle power that can help us believe that much more that life can be beautiful and ethical and everything that we hope it can be, because perfect strangers that you are somehow connected to are working on exactly that same goal.

Even if you want to say heck with the cone, it is at the very least completely awesome that in this day and age we can easily stay in touch with people like my friend Michel who has the ability to remind me across space and time the exact girl I wanted to be 10 years ago on a Navajo Reservation and exactly how far I have and haven't come. It is also equally awesome that we could not talk with each other for or more years and still the power of the conversation we had that many years ago is still operative in both of our lives.

About the Picture

This picture was taken behind the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

But What of Embodied Atmosphere?

2010-01-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

Below is a tiny essay on what it means to be someone carrying a child (a club from which I have not yet received a membership card).

It is called:

But What of Embodied Atmosphere? It is straight forward, full of imagery, with some philosophical underpinnings. It is followed by a poem from Langston Hughes which is altered in nature once one reads the essay.

But What of Embodied Atmosphere?

It is odd that one’s womb should be eclipsed by the power of the cloying word tomb, and, merely adorned by the perfume of the delicate word bloom. A new being will emerge soaked in the well-water of another. A scream and a coo will follow the escape from a fecund nutritive earth mother. Sacred in some cultures, this mother is merely the ground upon which the human seed is planted in others.

But what of the atmosphere of the sentient soul?

Books and rituals are of no matter. Many of the wombed experience the truth in their guts. We understand that beyond earth mother we are for another also atmosphere.

A woman’s body is not merely a ground within which a proto-nursling bounces, enwombed in a cave, waiting to emerge into a world of light. As rains fall to the earth, so does a wombed one’s thoughts and commitments stir the sky of every human being’s first home. Nursing has already begun on the weight and levity of another’s soulful sentience. The wombed apprentices another in spirited interiority. Laughter and distress echo loudly through the watery womb, and the clamor can, at times, be delightful. In any case, it does aquwaken* the being from sleep. Time swiftly thunders from our strong heartbeats. Anxiety and joy biochemically drench the soul of another while tears and giggles flutter the senses.

*(a-qu-waken: awake + quake, resonates with aqua)

Langston Hughes’ April Rain Song

can be read anew in light of the womb:

Let the rain kiss you

Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops

Let the rain sing you a lullaby

The rain makes still pools on the sidewalks

The rain makes running pools in the gutter

The rain plays a little sleep song on our roof at night

And I love the rain.

The Origins of This Tiny Essay

Marcus and I want to have a baby with the blessing of all health-care providers concerned. Especially because I have had to undergo biochemical conditioning to overcome emotions that prevented me from having a baby, I have realized just how important my thoughts and emotions will be to the little one that will, hopefully, someday be conceived within my own womb. I began to understand myself in the above way and have begun taking on the responsibility of having thoughts and emotions that will, if touched by an angel of mercy, apprentice my own baby into soulful sentience. Although I am not yet pregnant I picked the pronoun "we" instead of "they" because "they" would be a renunciation or alienation of the kinship I share with all wombed women who wish to conceive. However, it is also important to keep in mind that I deeply respect women who have made the choice to claim their wombs as forever their own, and, women who were never enwombed in they way they had hoped.

About the Picture
The picture was taken of a rose bed in Chicago's downtown rose garden.

Jump for Joy, Uh, I Mean, Dance for Gratitude

2010-01-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

It has been scientifically proven that practicing daily thankfulness will decrease depression and increase physical health. Add dancing to the mix and you have an up-beat way to express joy for all that you are thankful for. So...

Do The Gratitude Dance!

The GratiDude Dance Video is a wonderfully goofy expression of gratitude. The International Gratitude Dance Video was so inspirational with goofiness it made me cry!

Because this is high definition video push the arrow, let it start loading, then pause it to let it load all the way before you watch it. If you computer is slower, go to the video posted on youtube.com instead (the picture will not be as nice). And, yes, he really did go those places and get those people to dance with him! If you need a quick meditation to ground you and remind you how to have gratitude try this 2 minute guided meditation by Deepak Chopra. If you are Christian, try this inspirational video & song full of gratitude. If you have ten minutes to think through some of the most important questions in life and then release them into the universe, try this Gratitude Diet video.

About the Picture

I took this picture of a statue of Ganesh at PMA. Here is the description of the Hindu deity on the plaque accompanying the statue: "Elephant headed and pot-bellied, Ganesh is one of the most beloved Hindu deities. He is the remover of obstacles and the lord of auspicious beginnings, worshiped at the start of any undertaking, including marriage, travel, or the new year."

A Short and Sweet Say-What?!?

2010-01-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

Philosophy is not necessarily a drool-inducing discipline, I promise. In fact, at times, it can be downright inspiring, and, for this reason, I find it truly practical. Although novels and paintings and films can also be inspiring, the thing about a philosophy like existentialism is that its purpose is to remind you that you have the power to author the meaning in your own life. You cannot read it and simply think, "hmmmmm I wish I were that talented." Of course, I do do this too, but to only do this would be to see the flames but miss the rocket ship entirely. However, unlike a self-help book, philosophy doesn't just offer you a few chewed-over mantras that encourage you to jump into a swimming pool full of piranhas.

It goes through all the ways in which being brave and responsible enough to author the meaning of your own life can be foiled by the sharp-teethed flesh-rippers you know. It also explores how you can foil yourself -- with or without a mantra.

This semester I am teaching Philosophy and the Feminine. In other words, I am getting paid to think and teach about how to author for yourself what it means to be feminine and masculine. That, and, what it means to negotiate this way of being with others who staunchly hold to their own set of beliefs on the matter. Talk about practical, I mean the war of the sexes isn't over, not by a long shot. We find ourselves on the field in the most unlikely of places, like in front of a half loaded dishwasher. I am not encouraging people to take up arms, but, rather, to figure out what the heck sort of instrument they are currently holding in their hand and to decide if it is really what they want to be using to move our collective gender fest forward.

All in all, it is a pretty cool gig. I really didn't want to teach the course at first. You know me and cliches. I didn't want to become one. So, people had to sneak feminist philosophy into my studies here and there. Somehow I actually have a great deal to teach even though I only took a French Feminism course once and that was mostly about Freud, which means it was mostly about sex-complexes.

I also have all those wacky experiences-turned-short-stories in my head to share with my students, including "the Old Man,the Small Backseat, & the Spiked Gatorade," or, "the Time I Was Egged for Being a Man."

I am thinking I will have some interesting stuff to share, but I am not sure how much interest there is in this dimension of my ethical striving. Please, post comments on this blog if you want 1. a down and dirty post on existentialism, 2. a short and sweet "say-what?!?" about contemporary feminist theory, and/or 3. a wacky-experience-turned-short story about my experiences as a gay guy and other such nonsense.

If no comments post themselves, then I will know to stick to the well-intentioned recipes for food and cleaning products.

About the Picture

I took this picture of a stained glass Tiffany piece at PMA.

Old People, Rock'n'Roll Videos, Existentialism, and Marxism

2010-01-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

Sarah suggested I check out an elderly chorus group that sings rock songs from the likes of The Ramones, Talking Heads, and James Brown. They are called Young@Heart, and, a documentary has been made about these world-traveling rockers. While many online videos of their performances may have been posted for sheer comedic entertainment value, and I have offered links to these videos below for different reason. What is great about these videos? They bring a heightened sense of awareness of something that Martin Heidegger would call being-unto-death. The dichotomy created by the Young@Heart chorus richly beckons us to humorously get a grip and a clue at the same time. Below, I discuss Heidegger briefly. Then I provide the awesome videos--you will get a kick out of them. I hope you will come away with the same greater sense of appreciation for the lives you have yet to live as I did. I also mention Karl Marx and offer some "literal" music video spoof links that give us distance from the shiny commercialism of today and yesteryear by putting latent visual music video content to the tune and beat of the song.

So, the existential German philosopher Martin Heidegger came up with an idea: to be human is to be someone that can choose to live the realization that one will die. Depressing? Maybe. Heidegger would say, however, that the realization of this inevitable end may very well be the source of profundity/meaning in our lives. Only some of us, however, choose to live such an authentic existence that feels the weight and fecundity of each moment as it is lived. Most of us avoid being-unto-death (a term he coined to express this type of existence) by busying ourselves with what other people think, how they act, and what they concern themselves with in public.

Karl Marx would point out that we often use the opiates of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll (and for those who are really lame like me, soap operas and sit coms) to deal with the lack of fulfillment in our lives that comes from living in a capitalist society manufacturing unfulfillable needs for us. A great deal of existentialism discusses those of us who fritter our lives away and simply preoccupy ourselves with passing the time. Marx points out that we have great incentives to do so and there are some times when we work so much to put food on the table that we do not have the time to pursue a more meaningful life. Below the Young@Heart links there are other videos that have been re-sung with lyrics that point out the latent visual messages of music videos--some hilarious--which help us practice our distance from the commercial messages being sent our way. The new singers make sure the lyrics match the lips moving in the video! Thank you, Martin, for tipping me off to these funny ones!

Anyway, the difference between a life embracing being-unto-death and a needlessly preoccupied life boils down to the quality of life one experiences as one lives one's life. Simone de Beauvoir echoed this idea, pointing out that true commitment to and appreciation of a life is only really possible if one understands one's finitude.

The Young@Heart Chorus puts a new spin, I think, on being-unto-death. At once humorous and deadly serious, they aren't just laughing in the face of death foolishly, they are belting out "I Feel Good" despite their kidney stones and their fellow chorus members' deaths. Impossible? Consumer culture would lead us to believe so because happiness is health and health is something you buy in a drug store, on a clothing rack, and find on a cruise. But the members of this chorus know otherwise, and, hopefully they will help the rest of us get a clue too!

A documentary has been made of this crew that summarizes the chorus, but, there are also videos available of some of their performances! I have also provided videos of the original songs when possible to heighten the dichotomy. A difference between the Hollywood portrayal of meaning and the Young@Heart peels back layers of consumer sedimentation--helping us remember exactly what being-unto-death really is.

Young@Heart and Original Music Videos

Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive
Young@Heart's I Will Survive

Bee Gee's Stayin' Alive
Young@Heart's Stayin' Alive

James Brown's (early) I Feel Good
James Brown's (late) I Feel Good

Young@Heart's I Feel Good
Young@Heart Solo I Feel Good

The Ramone's I Want to Be Sedated
Young@Heart's I Want to Be Sedated

Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze
Young@Heart's Purple Haze

Cold Play's Fix You

Young@Heart's Fix You

Literal Translations of Music Videos

These videos are not really authorized so if the links do not work that is because they removed the video. Or, they may have turned off the sound on the video.

Enrique Iglesia's I Can Be Your Hero Baby
Bare Naked Ladies' One Week
Talking Heads' Once In A Lifetime
Meatloaf's I Would Do Anything for Love
Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart
Tears for Fears' Head Over Heels
James Blunt's You're Beautiful

About the Picture

This picture was taken by me of the Philadelphia city hall building. I liked the view because it was M.C. Escher-esque, kind of like pairing the concept of being-unto-death with humorous music videos.

Use Hankies!

2010-01-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

O.K. so the word "hanky" conjures up visions of 1930's unemployed farm workers trolling the streets for free biscuits, but I have succeeded in putting all that behind me. Once I learned that my tissue habit was contributing to the clearing of ancient Canadian forests, I had to put the ca-bash on dependency. Kleenex has been renamed Kleercut in certain circles in the know. Kleenex's argument: people want strong tissues and recycled fibers don't cut it. Add this to the problem of sewer's overflowing into natural bodies of water when it rains because the systems are overtaxed and the problem of too much waste going into our landfills and this was a no-brainer.

How did I get over the glamor of Kleenex?

1. Want to talk about strong? Hankies are much much much stronger than tissues, even Kleercut ones. Just fold the hanky in half twice (get large hankies for this purpose), use for one ordinary blowing session and toss in the laundry. No seepage. No breakage. Absolutely no snot contact. Plus--it is a one-time monetary investment.

2. I bought a beautiful fair trade, hand carved, responsibly harvested wooden box to store my hankies in. This way I am reminded why I am using them when my habit is to run for the toilet paper.

3. I placed the box in the living room, where I am most likely to need it. This way I remember I have an alternative to the nose hose hustle.

4. I sometimes use the sanitizing laundry cycle on my washing machine if I think I have a cold, but this is hardly necessary; just wash with towels in hot water.

5. I realized hankies take up no room in the washing machine or in the laundry bin.

6. Once you have the hankies it costs practically nothing.

7. I got a strange influx of hankies from various sources.

Hankie Resources

1. Hit up the old people first--ask them if they have any hankies to spare. They probably do.

2. If you are more of a romantic, you can also buy vintage hankies (yes I have done this too) at resale shops and antique shops. This would be reusing and saving a forest.

3. If you are drawn to modern fashion, new lines of hankies have begun popping up made with organic cotton. Some even have the statistics of beneficial hanky usage printed on them! Just take a surf.

4. If you want to make the transition without spending any money, just use some cotton or flannel shirts and sew decorative edges on them. Before making them, rub your nose against the fabric to make sure it is soft enough to use. No biggie. And, that would be saving the forest squared.

5. Finally, if you like supporting crafts people and would like cute embroidered hankies visit Etsy for at least 1,000 ideas. (These may be great gifts! When you give the gift, supply the facts.)

Hankie Sanitizing Hanidwipes

The other day I came up with a great idea: hankie wipes. I need these because my students can be walking virus machines. First, make your own sanitizing liquid (one that does not increase microbe resistance). Place a hankie/hankies in a small plastic bag in purse. When necessary, spray/squirt on hands, wipe with hankie, reseal hankie in plastic bag, dump in laundry when you get home.

About the Picture
This picture was taken by me at the Indiana Dunes.

What Do Vodou (Voo-doo), Catholicism, Physics and Economics Have in Common?

2010-01-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

The answer is Krista Tippit's Speaking of Faith radio show/podcast/online broadcast. Tippit interviews different famous, scholarly, and everyday practitioners of faith every week and those interviewed are from all walks of faith. The result is a show that allows listeners to appreciate multiple styles of faith and at the same time come to a better understanding of one's own. This was especially true, for example, of Tippit's show on Living Vodou for me because it, in part, explained the relationship of vodou and Catholicism, two types of faith that I had never connected before.

If you visit the website, you can not only listen to the show online, but check out a page dedicated to each show which provides a place for listener comments as well as book and musical recommendations. I especially liked the comments posted this week which asked listeners to post the pocket prayers (short prayers) they carry with them or say every day. People from all walks of faith have posted their most meaningful short prayers. The staff also posts things that have inspired them throughout the week on the website.

What I find particularly awesome about this site is that she also interviews scientists, economists, and political rights activists. She has several interviews of various types of scientists on their understanding of link between science and faith. There are also many segments on how to spiritually thrive during this economic crisis. Some of my favorite interviews include ones that ask political activists how they understand what they do in connection to faith; these interviews can be very uplifting.

About the Picture

This picture was taken of a mural in downtown Philly. Philadelphia is the home to an awesome Mural Arts Program which has covered bare spaces across Philly with murals of all kinds. I would definitely recommend taking a tour of them if you can (which you can book on the website above as well as get information about the murals and the program).

Hazelnut Maple Granola

2010-01-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

My new favorite granola is simple but certainly not plain. Take 5 cups of oats, coat with 3 tablespoons of hazelnut oil, 1/4 cup of maple syrup, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1 cup of chopped hazelnuts. Put on a baking sheet topped with parchment paper and dry for 45 minutes on 200 degrees. Stir occasionally. Store in a ball jar or other air-tight container for up to a month.

Marc loves to eat granola with unsweetened yogurt and honey!

Ideal Comedy and No Knead Bread

2010-01-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

Once you meet Stephanos, there is no going back, even if sometimes you wish you could. Witty, and knowing it all along, he employs it in the service of his friends’ funny bones. Maybe it was for this reason that I was quite skeptical of his “no knead” bread. It was some practical joke, right?

Yet, I had never seen Stephanos stoop to the level of the practical joke to produce a chortle, unlike myself, who secretly logged on to his Netflix account and added some movies that would make his skin crawl, like really bad musical theatre, my little pony cartoons, and Magnum P.I.….. If he ever reads this, he will, after years, finally know who it was, and, of course be surprised, since I am not, foremost a jokester myself. (Therein lies, however, the beauty of a practical joke; it has to come from someone you least suspect of having a hidden jokester within. Once, I went to a protest of W’s Iraq war; at its end, I called Marcus up and sobbed that I was in jail, in front of all my protesting friends without warning them first. It was hilarity all around!)

But I digress. Stephanos is worthy of a little skepticism, since he has the notion that there are certain things that are ideally funny,......

that is, they meet the criteria of being universally funny. If he considered a certain practical joke ideally funny, then, all would be excused in his mind. This is why a little cation is warranted when taking any advice from Stephanos.
In any event, after a while, Marcus did try the bread and it is actually quite awesome. It is a rustic bread; when we make it with seeds, I feel like I am in a time warp of the mouth.

As for ideally funny, Stephanos has convinced me that it does exist, although not as often as he might think; check out this video of Stephanos singing. Truly brilliant. Even the musicians are cracking up in the back—now that is comedy. Give it a minute and you will see what I mean. He defies Eakins’ notion of an opera singer (see above picture) with something akin to a Norman Rockwell rendition. And if you know if any opera houses that would be brilliant enough to employ him, visit Stephanos ’ website and give him an email.

The recipe is slightly altered from the original. Marcus does the final rise on a “sling” of parchment paper, which allows him to move the dough quite easily into the baking dish without burning himself. He picked this up from another really good no-knead recipe in “Cooks Illustrated” magazine

Stephanos’ No Knead Bread

3 cups of flour

1/8 tsp of yeast

2 tsps salt

1 5/8 cups water

Sprinkling of sunflower seeds

Sprinkling of sesame seeds (black or white)

Sprinkling of poppy seeds

Combine in a bowl and cover with cling wrap. Let sit at room temperature for 12 to 18 hours. Turn out of the bowl on a floured surface. Dust with flour. Rest for 20 minutes. Set a long-ish piece of parchment paper into a medium bowl, and set dough gently into it. Wrap in the parchment paper for 2 hours, let dough double in size. When dough is ready to bake sprinkle seeds onto surface and press into loaf gently.

Pre-heat oven with covered dish in side at 450 degrees. We use a faux Creussett that Sarah and Jimmy gave us as a present, but any large baking dish with a tight fitting lid will do.

Lift the bread into the warmed pan to bake using the parchment paper. Bake for 30 minutes with lid on. Bake for 20 minutes with lid off. Remove from oven and pan and place on a wire rack. Let sit at least five minutes so that when you cut it the moisture of the bread will be sustained.

Want More Funny Opera?

Check out this video of "o sole mio," which is a song about a sunny day and a guy who is singing to his lover who's face is his own personal sun.

About the Picture

I took this picture at PMA of Thomas Eakins' The Concert Singer, painted in 1890-1892. Check out the vocal chords at work in the painting!

Craft Project: Abigail's Sheep

2009-12-20T09:38:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture diary of the making of Abigail's Sheep, a present Marcus and I whipped up for our friend's cute little daughter. It uses raw wool from a friend who owns sheep in upstate NY. The base is a stuffed old sock , some wire, and some old felted sweater. Yeah--recycling! Buttons, some spare ribbon, and a bell we happened to have lying around completed the project. It was a great deal of fun.

We also made felted snowmen in this way for presents. We put a paper Chinet bowl upside down, put a hole in it, put a chopstick through it, then hot glued the chopstick in place. We then used the chopstick as a way to balance the snowman from the inside out. You don't even need a sock for this project. We then covered the bowl with some knitted fluffly scraps I had as swatches when planning out knitting projects, but you can use some old sweater pieces or some felt. An alternative to the bowl idea is using a circular wooden base. Hot glue the snowman pieces together and then hot glue them to a circular wooden base.

Specialty items needed: raw wool, felting needle, and hot glue gun.

The Holiday Present that Keeps Giving

2009-12-14T06:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!!!! This year you are receiving a cookbook. But this isn't just any old online cookbook. It includes not only healthy yummy recipes from our friends and from our favorite cookbooks, but, it includes recipes and inspirations for a healthier life. This means we will be posting ideas this year for ways to help you save money, the environment, and your sanity. If you have any ideas of your own you would like to share on any of these points, please email me and I will be sure to post them, or, if you do not have my email address, post your ideas in any the comments on this blog.

So, this present is going to start simply as a cookbook, but will include other tips for living an ethical life as they come my way.

For those of you who have seen me cook, I expect you to be laughing incredulously at this idea. I usually cook by smell and cannot cook something that I haven't creatively messed with. Even more, I am terrible at cooking Americana; I cannot--no matter how hard I try--bake a decent casserole. I have tried it many different ways and truly, I am horrible at it. Indeed, I think that recipes may be one of my many nemeses. Another, of course, is canned soup. However, Marcus loves following the precise detail of a recipe. So between the two of us, I think we could come up with a half-way decent cookbook--full of adventure and enough detail to make the dough come out.

Since I am always thinking about ethics, philosophy, art, and poetry, this cookbook will include these too, and, links that are resources on everyday ethical living.

Why is this a gift? Because this fall I realized that I wanted to send 6 mass emails about how to purchase the most ethical soy products. Now, I will no longer be filling my friends' and families' email boxes with tips. Even more, it is an ego-friendly, continuously giving cookbook because I will keep posting on it. Also, when someone asks me how to make something that I made, I can just send them to the site, which will include more than a vague list of ingredients and their quantities. Finally, we will be including our friends' and families' favorite recipes too!

We hope this gift will encourage your happy and healthy life because we think you are all cool and we love you.

About the Picture
I took this picture of a fountain which is located across the street from the front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

Cheddar Beer Smear, Healthier Cheese Spreads, and Homemade Crackers

2009-12-11T16:19:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season for house guest munchies. This winter Marcus and I are experimenting with spreadable cheeses. They are tasty-awesome, can seem very fancy, and are cheap! The basic premise is that you start with a half-way decent cheese. Then you blend it with things that make it even better. You add crackers--homemade are cheaper and fancier--and you have delightful munchies for the insatiable guests.

Cheddar Beer Smear

Take a block of sharp cheddar. Cut it up. Put it in the food processor with some fancy mustard and a teaspoon of minced garlic. Blend as best you can, helping the processor along at times by re-arranging the cheese with a spoon (when the processor is off), until pasty. Then add small amounts of beer until you achieve the desired consistency.

I was inspired to make this by a southern cookbook that claimed cheddar beer spread's origins could be traced back to an 18th century Kentucky beer purveyor. Here is an article that dates its origins to the mid-1900s; in addition to a history lesson, the end offers all sorts of ideas about what else you can include in your spread.

Lip-Smacking Cheddar Spread

If you want a lighter spread, that would satisfy those with a taste for cheese who are a little more health conscious, try this spread Marcus and I made up on the fly to entertain our nephews Ethan and Andrew. Add low-fat buttermilk instead of beer and cut the cheddar with low-fat cream cheese. The buttermilk will pick up the cheddar flavor but will cut the fat. When I asked them if they wanted cheese and crackers for lunch, Ethan piped up "I love cheese! And chocolate! And candy!" Hmmm, do ya think we're related?

Homemade Crackers

I have tried several cracker recipes because I am appalled at the price of something that amounts to basically oil, water, and flour. Most of them turn out like burnt hard cardboard. Here is the best one I have found so far, at 101Cookbooks. They are heavy crackers so they are best served when you are trying to keep guests happy while they are waiting a couple hours for the food. You do not really need a pasta machine or a pizza stone. Just roll the dough out with a rolling pin and bake on parchment-papered baking sheets. We made a bunch of different kinds of crackers. Our recommendation--do not try making fancy cheez-its with them; the cheese flavor gets lost. Rosemary is definitely a winner, as is minced shallot. If you want to put the two together you would have a nice red and green cracker fit for the holidays and perfect for the beer or buttermilk smear!

About the Picture
I snapped this picture of an architectural design on an apartment building near our home.

Vietnamese Spring Rolls & Crispy Fried Rice Noodles

2009-12-06T09:28:00.000-08:00

My friend Tara and her son JD are perhaps the best dinner guests ever. Every time we make something for them we feel totally awesome because of the number of sincere compliments they lavish on us. It is such a treat to have them over! That, and, they are two really cool, sweet people who have great senses of humor. Tara asked that I put up a couple Asian recipes that I made for them. I picked two appetizers to begin with. One of my favorite ways to eat salad is in a Vietnamese spring roll. I load it up with herbs from my garden (especially basil, mint, and scallion) and julienned cucumber. One of the most fun to eat are crispy fried rice noodles!

Many people also add cooked rice noodles, other vegetables, and fish. See the Chow site for a more traditional recipe. If you do this, make sure to cut the shrimp in half lengthwise (so that there is a white side and a pink side) they will be more cooperative when rolling. Here is a video on how to assemble a rice paper spring roll. Marc loves to dip these in peanut sauce, but I like to make a dipping mixture of soy sauce, lime juice, fresh garlic, sesame oil, hot pepper, sesame seeds, scallions and water (mix to taste). I love making this when friends come over because it is a snack-tivity.

Another great appetizer idea if you are having friends over for Asian food is crispy fried rice noodles. They are great to snap off one by one and delicately eat while drinking a cocktail. Perhaps, a sweetened cucumber juice and vodka seltzer?

Take 6 straight rice noodles, bound together with a strip of nori stuck together by wetting the ends (sushi wrapper), deep fry in peanut oil, then garnish with sesame seeds and salt. They look elegant when placed on each person's plate prior to dinner.

About this Picture

I took this picture at the Philadelphia Free Library.

Natural Cleaning Recipe & Green Resource Recommendations

2009-12-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

I love making my own gifts for people and I am always looking for new ideas so that people do not get bath salts from me every single year, that is, unless they really really want them.

One gift I recently gave which met with great approval from the receiver, Sarah, was a tile cleaner from The Naturally Clean Home, 150 Super-Easy Herbal Formulas for Green Cleaning, by Karyn Siegel-Maier. The book has made it possible for Marcus and I to afford to switch to organic, plant-based cleansers for every room. It explains the purpose of the various ingredients and essential oils, which I find helpful, because I like to play around with recipes. Although this product is not glamorous, the most important gift evaluation criteria for Sarah is usefulness--so it was a great gift for her. Of course, I piled it into a pretty container and added a nice gift tag and ribbon, but Sarah's review of this product was outstanding because it cleaned better than other store-bought products she used.

My gift ideas are more likely to be approved for the production process by me if they meet least one if not all of these criteria: hand-made or made by a craftsperson, something other people would like to make if they had more time, healthy/yummy/both, relaxing, spiritually fulfilling, or encouraging adventure. I also strive to meet the following package criteria: hand-packaged with recycled materials, or with beautiful materials that can be kept to store things in later, or easily re-purposed packaging.

I altered the original recipe in the below book to use ingredients that I had in abundance at the time, and, it make it an appealing present. The had piles of rosemary and lavender I had harvest from my Philly community garden plot.

1 cup baking soda

1/4 cup mixture dried rosemary and dried lavender leaves

5 drops lavender essential oil

3 drops rosemary essential oil

If you want to turn this into a soft scrub, and lemon juice to the desired consistency. If you use a heavy moisturizer in the shower, you may want to add 1/8 cup of borax to cut the waxy/greasy residue.

The Naturally Clean Home, 150 Super-Easy Herbal Formulas for Green Cleaning chapter are as follows: 1. Why Clean with Herbs? 2. The Kitchen 3. The Bath 4. The Laundry 5. Wood Care 6. Cleaning Metals 7. Walls and Carpeting 8. Clearing the Air 9. The Garage and Basement 10. The Garden and Landscape 11. The Home Office It is well worth eleven bucks and will definitely save you more than this if you switch from store bought organic cleaners to your own. 978-1-60342-085-3 Click on the link above for a review of the book on abebooks.

How to Clean Your House Without Hurting the Planet, by Green Guide, posted on Grist (an awesome online magazine that keeps you up to date on all things environmental) gives you a brief tutorial on green cleaning vs green washing. Green washing is a marketing ploy that encourages you to think the product is good for the environment or healthy for you--but it isn't. The article also gives a section by section list of what people are generally using, the problems with what they are using, and, hallelujia, the solutions. It also recommends products to buy.

Grist is great because it gives summaries of articles and insights made by all different news sources that address the environment and gives further links to those sources. The Green Guide is a National Geographic Publication that contains a consumer guide to help you with many purchases, from light bulbs to water filters to computers. It also has pages of ideas about how to upgrade your home and lifestyle to a green one--in ways that do not always cost a lot.

About this Picture
I took this picture, but I have no idea where.

Poems by the Chinese Concrete Plant Worker Shu Ting (Female)

2009-12-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

This entry contains nutrition for the soul; it contains several poems by Shu Ting, a female concrete plant worker.

Maple Leaf

Here is a heart-shaped leaf

Picked up by a gentle hand...

On a very special hillside

At the edge of a special wood.

But still the leaf reminds me

Of a twilit avenue,

A mind crowded with thoughts

Released on a gentle breath

That scattered from my shoulders

The rays of the setting sun.

Again, on a special evening

That touch alights on me

Having grown heavy with meaning.

This time I can't deny it,

Deny that intimacy.

Now, when the wind rises

I am prompted to turn my head

And listen to you, leaf,

As you quiver on your twig.

Gifts

My dream is the dream of a pond

Not just to mirror the sky

But to let the willows and ferns

Suck me dry.

I'll climb from the roots to the veins,

And when leaves wither and fade

I will refuse to mourn

Because I was dying to live.

My joy is the joy of sunlight.

In a moment of creation

I will leave shining words

In the pupils of children's eyes

Igniting golden flames.

Whenever seedlings sprout

I shall sing a song of green.

I'm so simple I'm profound!

My grief is the grief of birds.

The Spring will understand:

Flying from hardship and failure

To a future of warmth and light.

There my blood-stained pinions

Will scratch hieroglyphics

On every human heart

For every year to come.

Because all that I am

Has been a gift from earth.

Fairy Tales

You believed in your own story,

then climbed inside it--

a turquoise flower.

You gazed past ailing trees,

past crumbling walls and rusty railings.

Your least gesture beckoned a constellation

of wild vetch, grasshoppers, and stars

to sweep you into immaculate distances.

The heart may be tiny

but the world's enormous.

And the people in turn believe--

in pine trees after rain,

ten thousand tiny suns, a mulberry branch

bent over water like a fishing-rod,

a cloud tangled in the tail of a kite.

Shaking off dust, in silver voices

ten thousand memories sing from your dream.

The world may be tiny

but the heart's enormous.

About the Book
I copied Ting's work from The Vintage Book of Contemporary World Poetry, edited by J.D. McClatchy.

About the Picture

This picture was taken of flowers in a garden bed in Chicago.

The Best Brownies Ev-arh (Williams & Sonoma)

2009-12-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Since I have eaten just about anything chocolate that crossed my path, except for that bacon chocolate bar I saw a couple times, I can say that I know my brownies. I really am no snob; I love even the ones you get out of the vending machine. However, I can say that this is the best brownie recipe I have ever had or made. This is not a cake brownie. This is more akin to fudge but it has absolutely no pastiness like a lot of fudge-like baked goods have. The dark chocolate hits the spot and the sugar will keep you buzzing for hours. Do not feed these brownies to kids without preparing for the consequences ahead of time. Once you try them, you will want them all to yourself anyway. I promise you that they are so rich you will not be able to eat the whole pan in one day. For those of you who are impatient, I promise you that waiting until they cool down completely will be well worth it. They are magnificent that way and only so-so warm.

Ingredients

6 oz unsweetened chocolate, chopped

3/4 cup unsalted butter, cut into 3/4-inch pieces

3 large eggs

1 3/4 cups sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Instructions

Position a rack in the middle of the oven, and preheat to 350 degrees. Butter an 8 inch square baking pan.

Place chocolate and butter in the top of a double boiler placed over (not touching) barely simmering water. {You can use a glass bowl poised on top of a regular sauce pan and we have never worried about how much the water was simmering.} Heat, stirring often, until the butter and chocolate melt. Remove from the water and set aside to cool slightly.

In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla until blended. Whisk in the chocolate mixture until blended. Sprinkle all of the flours over the mixture and whisk slowly just until blended. Pour the batter into the prepared pan, spreading it evenly with a rubber spatula.

Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out almost clean or with a few moist crumbs clinging to it, 35-40 minutes. Be careful not to overbake. Transfer pan to wire rack and let cool completely.

Using a large, sharp knife, cut into 2-inch squares. Store in air-tight container at room temperature for up to 3 days. {Or freeze.}

This recipe is from Essentials of Baking, Recipes and Techniques for Successful Home Baking from Williams-Sonoma. I strongly recommend this book. It has a number of recipes that Marcus and I have tried and are now our favorites.

About the Picture

I took this picture of Marcel DuChamp's Chocolate Grinder No. 1 held by PMA; he is one of my favorite artists. The link will take you to a site that is entitled "Making Sense of DuChamp." It features Chocolate Grinder No. 2 and discusses why it is unique.

Danish Tomato & Onion Salad

2009-12-02T18:33:00.000-08:00

While volunteering in Chicago at the Franciscan Outreach Association, I was blessed to live and/or work with many different people from all over the U.S. and some from Europe. This included several Danes. Up until then, the only exposure I had had to the idea of Danish people were tins of blue cookies and Shakespeare's play. I am not sure my knowledge has increased all that much, but, I can at least share with you a recipe I received during my work with Danish folk. Now, I am not sure if this is a genuine Danish dish, but I do know that Danes are the only one who ever served it to me, so I am conferring the honorary title of Danish onto it.

Ingredients and Instructions

The recipe is quite easy. Slice beefsteak tomatoes into rounds. Slice white onions into slivers and add to the tomatoes. Squirt spicy mustard on top of them, pour olive oil and balsamic vinegar over that, then sprinkle garlic powder on top. Serve.

About the Picture

I took this picture of the view outside of our apartment in Chicago.

Sweet Potato Hash

2009-12-02T18:05:00.000-08:00

I think that brunch is the perfect meal. You are authorized to serve as much fruit as a person can eat, load up on the syrup and salt, and maybe even drink a mimosa or two. I also like that you can get away with a vegetarian brunch or a brunch that has a little salmon or shrimp and no body is the wiser. That is, as long as you have a savory dish that warms and fills you right up. Sweet potato hash is one of those dishes I love to serve to brunch guests. People always go back for seconds and there is never any left overs.

You can cut up the sweet potatoes or yam into cubes a day ahead of time, squeeze them with lemon juice, and store them in the fridge.

An hour before serving time, put the potatoes in a frying pan with a lid, add sage, rosemary, thyme, smoked pepper, garlic, bay leaves, pepper, and salt. Then let them cook in their own moisture until 10 minutes before serving time. Take the lid off and brown.

Martha Stewart's Pfeffernusse

2009-12-02T10:13:00.000-08:00

Marc and I have made several pfeffernusse (pepper nut) recipes, and, despite the fact that I wanted to call this blog Martha Can Bite My Butt the below recipe is the best one we have tried. Hey, the corporation has, like, five million cookie recipes by now. Anyway, the reason these rock is because they have a delicate spice to them that is grounded with the taste of honey--and--we love the texture. They are soft and taste better and better as they age.

You may want to increase the spice fi you want truly peppery or spicy cookies. The cardamom is a must but Marcus and I trade some of the clove in for ginger.

Martha Stewart's Honey Pfeffernusse Recipe

Ingredients

1 cup brown sugar
8 tablespoons unsalted butter -- softened
2 cups honey
2 large eggs -- well beaten
6 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper -- freshly ground
1 teaspoon ground cardamom
1 teaspoon ground clove
confectioners' sugar -- for coating

Cream together sugar, butter, and honey; beat in eggs. Sift together flour, baking soda, and spices. add to sugar-butter mixture. Cover bowl; refrigerate until firm, about 1 hour. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a baking sheet. Roll dough into walnut-size balls. Place on baking sheet; flattent o 1/4 inch thick with a floured flat-bottomed glass. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from baking sheet; coat with confectioners' sugar. Let cool on wire racks.

About this Picture

A Woman and a Girl Driving, by Mary Cassat, is a rare painting depicting female independence. Notice that the man rides in the back seat. This painting was created in the late 1800s and is held by PMA.

Culinary Book Recommendation: The Flavor Bible

2009-12-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

The first culinary book I would like to recommend is The Flavor Bible, the Essential Guide to Culinary Creativity, Based on the Wisdom of America's Most Imaginative Chefs by Karen Page and Andrew Dornenburg. This book is great for two kinds of cooks: those who need every ingredient in a recipe to know what to make and those who need no recipe whatsoever.

Anyone who has a hard time figuring out how to make food out of "nothing" will benefit from this book because it will help you figure out what ingredients go with what and gives you a list of dishes that you could make with up to four or five ingredients. The list of dishes are not recipes, but, you can easily look up the recipes online and substitute what you have for what is in the recipe online with the guidance of this book. Even more, you have lists of dishes at your disposal created by preeminent chefs--what more guidance could you want? For any adventurous cook that hates recipes or going where other chefs have gone before, this book provides a long list of ingredients that go with the main ingredient you have looked up, and, lists "flavor affinities" which are groupings of ingredients that make heavenly flavors. In this way, it takes some of guesswork out of the cooking but still encourages the adventure.

The bottom line is that when you look in the freezer and only see piles of frozen peas left, you have a resource at your fingertips to figure out what the heck to do with them. This is also helpful for those of us who have the peas in the first place because they vowed to eat healthier but forgot what the original plan was for them when we finally get around to using them.

It also offers a tutorial on flavor. It explains what factors are involved in producing appealing flavors, how to balance flavors, how to maximize flavors, and then the rest of the 380 page book are charts of ingredients! The ingredients include spices and various alcohols.

If you want a brief description of the purpose of the book from the authors check out this video link: The Flavor Bible.

Sarah and Jimmy's Bathtub Limoncello

2009-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Sarah and Jimmy are the type of friends that are always there for us. They have walked, driven, and flown to see us wherever we are. Although there are a great many things they have done for us, some involving buckets full of cleaning agents, I think an impressive one is coming each year to our New Year's Eve parties--even when they didn't know anyone else. I wish they had discovered this recipe earlier so they could have brought it because this year we are trading in the party for a spiritual retreat. Hopefully the retreat will include a Native American sweat!

Sarah and Jimmy's Bathtub Limoncello

Ingredients

10 lemons

750 ml vodka

3 1/2 c water

2 1/2 c sugar

Instructions
Peel lemons in long strips & remove pith (reserve lemons for another purpose)

Place lemon peels in a 2 qt pitcher

Pour vodka over peels, cover with lid or plastic wrap

Steep at room temperature for 4 days

Add water & sugar to sauce pan
Heat over medium till dissolved (5 min)

Cool to room temperature

Add to vodka and let sit overnight

Strain and discard peels

Transfer to bottles, seal & refrigerate

Recommend using in one month

About this Picture

I took this picture at PMA of Frank Benson's The Artists Daughters painted in 1906, before American Prohibition, when only tea parties were legal.